I'm A Big Baby « Proletarian

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

I'm A Big Baby

I'm a year older, as of the 5th day of April. I thought that maybe DH was messing around when he said that I couldn't have a birthday party, since it was such an odd statement. I'm not a big party animal, nor prone to excesses. Still, it is nice to have company and not have to spend the day up to my eyeballs in dishwashing bubbles, wrapped up in the vacuum cleaner cord. I was mistake though, and it turns out that DH really was serious. As he says, I am too old for birthday parties. Pardon my moment of childish rebellion, but I don't think that people are ever too old to celebrate the wonder of their birth and the blessing of each day given us. That's just my view though. I think that celebrations should be just as precious when someone is 80, as when they were 8. I'm feeling foolish, but I'm disappointed. Some of it is my own fault, I'm sure. If I would have just taken DH at his word days ago, I would have gotten accustomed to the idea. Instead, I turned into a big baby and my eyeballs wanted to leak while I was elbow-deep in dishwater this afternoon. I just feel like a stupid, stupid person for this to be such a big deal to me.

Posted at 12:23 am by Jenna


	Jeannine April 6, 2005 04:20 AM PDT Hey Jenna, happy birthday! May God give you his greatest blessings this new year! ((HUG)), Jeannine


	Molly April 6, 2005 05:18 AM PDT Happy Birthday, girl! PS--You don't think this is any coincidence, do you, considering what you typed yesterday? Fair Warning: we have an enemy who doesn't like it when his former slaves start 'mouthing off' and spreading truth. I find everytime I share a bit on marriage, I get a good little test within the next few days, letting me see if I'm going to actually put my money where my mouth is... I know you know all this, Jenna. I'm just being my big sisterly self and reminding you. Keep your chin up, friend! I'll send you a snowball for a birthday present if you don't... grin Lots of LOVE from the Far North, Mol


	jettybetty April 6, 2005 06:03 AM PDT Happy Belated Birthday--yep, some of the time things just hit wierd--and we get disappointed--I am praying you are rejoicing again by the time you read this! BTW, I always thought bdays were a pretty big deal, too. Perhaps that's just another wonder of the male mind. You know, that they don't understand that? Blessings! JB


	Meredith April 6, 2005 08:24 AM PDT Have yourself a little birthday with your daughter today! There's always a reason to eat cake.


	Meredith April 6, 2005 08:28 AM PDT Oops, I just now noticed you are doing the Setting Captives Free eating plan...cancel my cake idea! I really admire your commitment to eating for God, BTW. I need to take a page from your book.


	Laura Anne April 6, 2005 08:37 AM PDT My big disappointment last year was Valentine's Day. My DH knew I at least wanted a card- something! But what did I get- NOTHING!! Well, this year I decided I wouldn't worry so much about it, but did have fun planning a fun evening at home focused around serving Him. (I used the idea called Gourmet Delight from the back of the book Intimate Issues- check it out- it's nice;)). He's still talking about how much it meant to him to have me take care of him and not make him feel pressure to live up to some "romantic" Valentine standard. And he mentioned about how it makes him want to do something nice for me next year. (Although he did get me a card and chocolate this year). But not because I expect him to and am watching to see if he doesn't deliver like I did in the past. Maybe your husband felt similar to mine. That you had some birthday expectation that was making him feel pressured. Maybe you two could work something out for next year. Like ask him if it would be all right to go out to dinner on your birthday. Talk to him and express your feelings and disappointment, but try not to be defensive or indignant or blame him. That helped my DH and I. When he saw how truly disappointed I was, but without the "you shoulda" blame thing, he was more willing to look at it from my viewpoint. Don't assume he truly understands how you feel and can read your mind or at least should get the idea. (I've done this!) And don't think to be a good submissive wife you have to bottle it up and not talk to him about how you feel. My husband and I have grown closer because of the honest communication we had over the Valentine's issue. But it was only fruitful after I lost the blaming, I'm right attitude. This is getting long! Better stop- but I do want to wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! : )


	Laura Anne April 6, 2005 08:55 AM PDT Oh- and you're not a big baby or a big stupid person!! You are someone who had ideas, hopes and expectations and when they didn't materialize.... you were disappointed and hurt. That's normal!!!!! What's important is how you handle it from here and the way you communicate about it with your husband.


	Leigh Ann April 6, 2005 09:31 AM PDT Happy Birthday! I truly understand how you feel. I have so many expectations that are not fulfilled (mainly by hubby--poor man doesn't realize how much he has to live up to--my fault not his, he's not a mind reader). I guess the Lord is trying to teach me to let my expectations be in Him alone because he will never fail. I seem to be a dumb student because I never seem to quite get it. Birthdays and holidays were always treated big in my family. We didn't have much, so these were times to splurge. My hubby's family is better off, so they celebrated but it wasn't the big gift giving, surprise deal and all that. So it has been hard work to try to reconcile those things. We are still trying and many tears flow (from me that is). So all that to say, you have a sister here who understands and is praying that the Lord will heal your broken heart (because that's what it feels like) and help you to be all that He wants you to be. The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord lift up the light of His countenance upon you and give you peace. Leigh Ann


	Jenna April 6, 2005 10:29 AM PDT hugs You guys are just sweethearts. Thank you. hugs you till you're blue While I FEEL like a big silly baby, I don't think that I've acted like one. Yeah, my feelings were prickled a bit, but I didn't take it out on him or drag down the day. Instead, I made a cake for my niece, since she wasn't able to be home for her birthday this year. I cleaned up the house and invited people over so she could have a little birthday party. My niece was pretty happy, and loved getting dirty outside the best, as DD showed her how to use sidewalk chalks. (my niece just turned 2) In a round-about way, I kind of made a party at my house, though DH made sure to remind me that I wasn't allowed to have a party. I've just been so confused, because that isn't like him at all. I mean AT ALL. I wasn't completely forgotten about though. My sister brought me a cute card, and she let go of her baby long enough for me to snuggle him a bit. I'm feeling better today, partly because I don't want to be sad, and partly because I'm still confused by DH. He and I tried to go to bed last night, and we spent a half hour staring at the ceiling before we both gave up and ended up laying in bed and playing word association games until 3am. lol While we were tossing around words, I told him that my feelings were hurt because he made such a point to keep me from having a birthday party. Then he tells me that his family never had weekday parties during the week, and that if someone had a birthday during the week, they waited until the weekend so folks could stay longer without worrying about work the next day. That was all he said. I've never been a really good "meek" person, so I gave him my fake sour-puss face and told him emphatically that I don't like it when he plays games with me, that it doesn't feel very good. I had hoped for an apology, but he laughs at me!! Tell me that's not odd..... Sometimes I think it stinks, being married to a man who aspires to being a great prankster. I can only guess that he is trying to be sly, but doesn't like the idea that he's hurt my feelings. Still, if it does bother him, then it isn't enough for him to abort whatever funkiness he has planned. He's a real card. I'm not holding my breath though, and setting myself up like I did yesterday. I had at least hoped for a piece of paper with something reasonably nice scribbled on it. On the up side, DH did take advantage of having my dad and brother-in-law over yesterday, and they cut down one of our dead trees in the yard! Yay! No more risk of head injury while walking back tot he garage! chuckles


	Jenna April 6, 2005 10:47 AM PDT Oh, and Molly, I have had plenty of moments over the past couple weeks when I've really been challenged over how I react to my husband. Woo! wipes forhead lol I am getting better at keeping my mouth shut, and shaking off any funky feelings that I have. In the past, I had felt as though I had to make a big production when DH did something that angered me, as though it would somehow make me feel better. It never did, but I have been feeling pretty good when I bite my tongue and just GROW UP. lol We don't fuss at each other nearly as much, and there are no prolonged disagreements. I've still had to catch myself a couple times though and actually talk myself out of my bad attitude. It is interesting that so many opportunities for greatness or failure, because it isn't normal in our relationship. DH has actually been pushing me just a bit, as though he were testing me. I'd say that there is some weirdness going on in these parts.............. laughs


	Molly April 6, 2005 01:51 PM PDT sighing grin You are SUCH a sweetheart, Jenna. You have this incredible way of putting your heart into print... I love it.

Leave a Comment: