I've been a disappointment today, though it was no fault of my own. Apparently, my Christianity is inconvenient.

It is so sad, to see people that I love so willing to throw away blessings because of their critical heart and unforgiveness. I was approached today, seemingly as a shoulder to "cry" on, though it really amounted to venting anger.

Knowing that I was going to have my company today, I prayed before she arrived, asking God to give me the right words. I really wanted her to hear God speaking, and not my own foolish woman's heart, which can act so stupidly. I understand her hypersensitivities, holding on to percieved hurts, and making mountains out of mole hills. I've done it before, a lot. I guess that is why she believed that I would support her in tearing apart the man who has been loyal to her and has worked himself so hard to provide for her and their child. I just wouldn't do it, and she became upset.

I am so careful with this young woman, because she is not a believer. It doesn't mean that I side-step the truth though, and since she seemed to be pushing me for a response, I did the best that I could. I wish that there was a way for me to know if my calmness and soft words reached her heart at all, or if she is still going to tear apart the family that they have made together over such trivial things as she ranted about. I tried so much to impress upon her that not long from now, she would look back and realize that this was really such a small issue in the whole scheme of things.

She wanted me to tell her that it was the right thing to do, to leave this man. I reminded her that it would be unfair to deprive her child of his father, but she doesn't have a heart of sacrifice. She believes that having a part-time father is fine, so long as she doesn't have to "be miserable" for the "rest of her life". The more the melodrama continues, I wonder who is doing the real suffering, and who will pay the price for her selfishness. There were no children involved when she decided to divorce her husband, but this relationship is so different. But, she has no understanding of the damage that she will cause her child because she expects her man to bow before her and to never do anything wrong to offend her sensibilities. She will never find a man like that. She says that she would rather be alone, but I don't believe that she understands the gravity of the statement. She may feel that way now, while she is in her 20s, but I wonder how she would feel in her 50s as a tired single mother who has no one to give her the love she will need. Men may want to have a fling with a 20 year old, but I haven't noticed things working quite the same way later in life. It's all emptiness for those who choose to make themselves unloveable to other people, but she won't face it. It is always someone else who is doing wrong and causing hurts. What she won't acknowledge is that she is hurting herself and stealing away a great chance at happiness.

I know how this young woman is, but even my appeals to her motherhood wouldn't touch her hard heart. I guess that she figures they will get on just fine so long as I agree to be her full-time babysitter so she can have the "freedom" of a job, and her own money. It won't feel like freedom when her child hardly knows her, and isn't full of smiles when it is time to go home with her. I can't make her see this, and it is very hard on my own heart. She is being a fool, and I am powerless to stop the path of destruction that she is running down.

That one sentence summarizes our entire relationship these days, the constant struggle between us. We want to be friends, at at the same time she is fighting me, and I am fighting for her. I cannot persuade her to make the better choices, and unless God works a miracle in her heart, she will most likely go to hell. That hurts. Still, I find myself identifying with Jesus when He went to His home, and the people would not listen to Him because they knew Him. Those I love dearly find me so easy to dismiss because they know me, and my testimonies mean nothing to them. No matter how much wisdom the Lord graces me with for a moment, my words will never be heard because they know me. It's really a kind of depressing thought. But, the best that I can do is pray for her. Maybe things will change, in God's own time. For the moment though, she is angry with me and didn't even offer the customary kiss on the cheek as she packed up her stuff and left. She's disappointed that I wouldn't agree with her and support her position, but hopefully if *I* remain steady in my course, she will realize that I mean what I say. I'm not giving her empty words, but a reality that I try to live every day, even when mountains ARE mountains, and not mole hills. Hopefully her anger will be short lived, and she'll talk with me soon. In the meantime, I pray that her man has patience and enough loyalty to their family to stick with things even when she is being a pain.  Oy.