I wanted to write a little something here about the reasons why I blog. They aren't particularly grand, but I wanted to talk about them anyway. I will attempt to keep it somewhat short, as much as I am able. I seem to be a type-set motor mouth, if everyone hasn't already noticed.

In the beginning, there was a pen. *laughs* I've never enjoyed writing with pencils, probably because of the scratching noise that they make on paper. That aside, my mother always complained that I was never good at erasing my mistakes anyway, so it didn't seem much more effective to choose pencils over pens. So, very young in my adolescence, I began writing.

When I first began putting my thoughts down on paper, they were not in such a personal method as I use now. Instead, I would draw up elaborate stories of other girls, with other lives, and life changing experiences. While my use of grammar was terrible, I did have a love for story telling, as ineffective as I was. My journal writing did not make an official appearance until shortly after my twentieth birthday.

Now, don't think that I say this to ellicit sympathies, but I began journaling at the time that my son died. It was no longer a strong enough statement to write about ficticious people. I had emotions and wild feelings just pouring from the depths of my heart. These words had to come out in one way or another, so I chose a very ugly journal with pink flowers on the cover, that a bereavement consult had given me. I gave up trying to make my letters nice and neat, and sometimes when I read through my thoughts, I can hardly make sense of them. However, none of that detracts from their importance, that I let out what was eating at me, purging myself in a more positive way. I would write down my interactions with people, and even scribble down the prayers and cries that came from my heart.

One day, I realized that I had done enough healing, that I needed more than simply a place to vent. I no longer wanted to be an emotional bulimic. After purging so long, I desired to be filled. So, in an effort to put my journal to better use, I try to use it as a tool for replenishing myself. Of course, there are still days when I have need to spill forth the turmoil inside, but I also have many more days when I revel in the good works of the Lord and his many blessings that he's given me.

The Lord has filled me, and this is my overflow container. I am not a great theologian, and I do not try to be. What I DO look forward to, is sharing some of my experiences with other young women. Maybe, just maybe, they will find something within themselves that can identify with me, and they will be able to take something away from the lessons that God has taught me, without having to put themselves through the pain that comes part-and-parcel with so many lessons. Whether someone uses anything that I say, in their lives, at least other women have the ability to know that in so many areas- they are not alone.