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reflections on ....

Created To Be His Help Meet
by Debi Pearl

Preface to Part II

We have now reached the second part of the book, which Debi labels as "Titus 2". In this section, she outlines what she plans to address in this next section of the book, by outlining points in Titus 2:3-5 as "eight practical game rules".

"The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be [1] sober, [2] to love their husbands, [3] to love their children, [4] To be discreet, [5] chaste, [6] keepers at home, [7] good, [8] obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God not be blasphemed"

Debi goes on to stress how strong the word "blaspheme" is, and that while the text does not refer to the unpardonable sin (blaspheming the Holy Spirit), this is a very strong warning to women.

Chapter 15
1. To Be Sober
Titus 2:4: "That they may teach the young women to be sober..."

"To be sober: To do one's duty, be moderate, self-controlled, thoughtful, and to learn to make wise decisions and judgments."

This chapter deals a greatly with a matter that seems so very blunt- common sense. Debi begins by making the observation that upon marriage, women must recognize the value of her position, and how to do it well. Not only that, but there was much mention of the word "joyous" in these first small paragraphs. Again and again, Mrs. Pearl calls women to be joyful, and to see their duties in a joyful light.

"When a woman soberly considers the needs, time schedule, and resources of her home, then she will be a more efficient help meet."

Yes, in a word, this chapter is about PLANNING. I definitely enjoyed this chapter, most likely because I am a very "organizationally minded". I like to know just what needs to be done, and which of these duties I will try to tackle each day. I haven't progressed to planning out my clothing, but it is because I wear much of the same type of clothing most days. *laughs* Still, I have multiple dry erase boards for my different lists, computer spreadsheets, and a composition book for all of my organizational needs. *nods* This chapter is right up my alley.

In the first letter of this chapter, a wife shares her complaints about being tired because her children became sick, and their house was not kept clean. Her husband came home, wondering what happened to the house, and wanted to know when dinner would be ready. As Debi pointed out, the husband's insensitivity is wrong, but that a wife should not match wrong for wrong. Instead, she goes on to stress how important planning is, in making things work smoothly, especially when someone is ill.

One of Debi's suggestions is that women utilize crock pots. Oh, I couldn't agree more. I know that when I anticipate being particularly busy during a day, it is such a blessing to be able to put things in a crock pot, and not think about it all day. There is no boiling pot to watch, and it takes care of itself until meal time. This frees up so much time and attention to be spent elsewhere, whether it be doing massive amounts of yard work, or caring for sick children. I definitely second Debi's suggestion to use a crock pot. *nods* I bet there are lots of women out there, just like my sister, who has a crock pot sitting around and collecting dust because they don't know how to use it. Believe me, it is easy, easy, EASY! :o ) Don't be intimidated by the crock pot. It can be your best friend on particularly crazy days.

In the next section, Debi advises mothers to simplify their meal choices.

"Several options will only confuse the child's spirit. Choices also give room for argument or discontentment."

Boy, I definitely know what she is talking about in this section. I have a young child, and there are some days when she can drive me right up the wall if I give her too many options. After deciding what she wants for breakfast or lunch, she will change her mind right after I have made the meal, and she will fuss and whine for the other option. I learned real quick that I needed to make up my own mind, and that if I was going to offer a choice for mealtime, it was going to only be two choices. Now, I don't treat my husband in the same way. He isn't under my authority, not to mention the fact that he isn't nearly as picky as a 4 year old. *laughs* I am open to ideas, and I will be receptive on many days. However, for simplicity's sake, I normally serve the same thing for breakfast each day. I do change things up every week though, so no one (including myself) doesn't become terribly bored.

After dealing with meal planning and some simple crock pot ideas, Debi moves on to the premise that when a woman who honors and obeys her husband, it can have an affect on the whole family. While I agree with Debi, it isn't from the same point of view that she has expressed. In this section, she illustrates the good lessons that she was given by the elder women in her family. In contrast, the women in my family have been quite the opposite in expression, action, and advice. It has been very hard for me to learn how to enjoy serving any man, because of the poor image of men that was cultivated in my head since childhood. I have also been a very emotional child (and now, adult), which makes it a little more difficult to resist taking offense. It has been a real growing experience for me to absorb percieved hurts and offense, and let it go, without letting my emotions get the better of me. While it has been difficult, my life is so much easier now, and I am happier for it.

In the section "What is a Cold Dinner?", a friend of Mrs. Pearl shares a story from her early years as a wife. She tells of a time when she worked very hard to prepare a hot meal for her husband, who was very hot and tired after work. When he came home, he told her that it was the kind of day for a cold meal, something she had never heard of. I could see myself in this story, because there were many days when I work try so hard to cook a meal, only to find out that my husband wasn't very fond of what I made for any variety of reasons. While this woman had no idea what a "cold dinner" was, I was unsure of how to make a meal that my husband would enjoy. After all, I did not grow up in the same family as he did, and my mother cooked in a far different manner than his grandmother. I was lost. I'll admit that some times I did not adapt as well as Mrs. Lansing, who shared the story. While I never wanted to throw dinner at my husband, there were many times when I was choking back tears because I felt that my hard work was not appreciated. Even when my husband would valiantly pick at a dinner he didn't like, I wasn't happy to see that he was trying to make the best of it. Over time though, I have learned how to adjust to my husbands tastes and habits, and to some extent, he has come my way a bit too. I agree with Mrs. Lansing, in that it is a matter of wanting to learn to please one's husband, and to learn what he enjoys.

Next, Debi addresses the "success" of the women's "liberation" movement, and how it has worked it's way into just about every aspect of our lives. In contrast, she shares with us a text that was found in a 1950s home economics school book. I chuckled a bit when I read the suggestions contained within, because I have read the "How to Be a Good Wife Today" material on the internet. When I first read it, I was agast at the idea that a woman could make a man so important in her life. As you can tell, I am of a far different mind. As I read through the material, I see many things that I do already, out of consideration for my husband. It is a fun read, and the suggestions given really are good to keep in mind. *nods*

To close the chapter, Debi discusses women who become so obsessed with keeping their homes "just right" that they become short with anyone who puts anything out of place. She uses the example of a child spilling milk on the couch, or making a mess of the carpet. I can read this portion of the chapter and see the wisdom in keeping priorities straight, but I just can't identify with this type of woman. The only time when I am particularly protective over the cleanliness of my home or child is about the last 15 minutes of the afternoon, before my husband comes home from work. Of course, that is because whatever messes we've had fun making during the day, we make sure to have cleaned up, so daddy comes home to a comfortable home. None of us are particularly picky about the cleaning though, so long as things are 80% done. lol So, the sales adds can sit on the kitchen counter, but all the stuffed animals must be chased back into the toy box. *laughs*

Chapter 16
2. To Love Their Husbands
Titus 2:4: "That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands..."

Ok, I will be short about this chapter, because I think that much of this stuff should be handled in a very private manner. In this chapter, Debi speaks upon the sexual relationship between a man and his wife. She makes a point to illustrate that in this manner, a wife can minister to her husband's needs.

In the first letter of the chapter, a gentleman writes that his wife believes him to be a pervert because he has sexual needs. His wife has any number of excuses for not wanting to make love with him, and instead points a critical finger at him for wanting what is natural. In response, Debi includes scripture reference from Ephesians 5:31-32-

"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church"

Following, Debi includes a short list of goals for each wife:

• God's ultimate goal for you is to meet your man's needs.
• God's original intention was that a woman would spend her life helping her husband fulfill his dreams and ambitions.
• From the beginning, God meant for us to be a comfort, a blessing, a reward, a friend, an encouragement, and a right-hand woman.

From this point, Debi illustrates the kind of effect that a woman can have on her man when she does not want to make love with him, and shuns the most physical expression of "they two shall be one flesh".

When a woman is not interested in his most consuming passion, he feels that she is not interested in him. When a woman just "allows, cooperates, and tolerates," it leaves a man feeling sick at heart. If, to a man, sex was just copulation, he would make his deposit and be satisfied, but to him it is intimacy, a merging of spirits, a way of saying, "I love you...I need you...I like you." A man's most basic needs are warm sexual love, approval, and admiration.

Sex is so much bigger than getting hot and sweaty for a while. This is a very important way that men and women communicate love, and express one of God's great mysteries. If we keep the last chapter in mind, I am sure that we can see many ways to make life easier, through efficient planning, so that we women will react in a gracious way to the advances of our own husband. No only that, there is the topic that is mentioned next in this chapter, that of withholding sex to be sinful.

I am sure that there are many women who get real upset when they read 1 Corinthians 7:2-5, because it makes it clear that if there is a good reason for not making love, it is for fasting and praying. Nowhere in the text does it say that a woman should shun her husband because she wasn't careful with her time, and she somehow managed to be exhausted every single day for a month. Instead, the scripture does call husbands and wives to come together frequently, to keep one another from tempation. Of course, each person is in control over their flesh, or they should be. However, that does not diminish the fact that a wife has a hand in whether her husband is in this vulnerable situation that can leave him more open to tempation. Most men will only stand strong in the face of rejection from the one they love, and the temptation of another, who promises to make them feel loved and enjoyed again.

"Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render [give] unto the wife due benevolence [sexual gratification you owe her]: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer: and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency." (1 Cor. 7:2-5) [emphasis Debi's]

The last thing that *I* have to make mention of in this chapter, is that it is true that in most cases hormones will react to stimuli. For the wife who says that she just isn't "in the mood", give it an honest go for 5-10 minutes and see if that doesn't just change things a bit. Of course, there will be women with extenuating circumstances who will need special attention, or maybe even a little medical intervention. That's ok. It's still not an excuse for the rest of the female population, who just needs to tune in to one of the most important ways to love and connect with their own husband.

:o )