I have been experiencing lots of unexpected company today, first my little siter, and now my dad. It is quite funny, that I seem to be the person for great company of late. Ok, well, not exactly. My sister needed money, and dad just wanted somewhere to hang out until his girlfriend gets off of work and can pick him up. Funny though, is that I don't really care that much. It is good to have people around, even if it isn't the lure of my great company that is the draw.

So, I was able to spend some time with my niece and nephew today, huggling and snuggling them. I especially spent some time with my nephew, since I don't seem to have enough quiet time of late to really love on him. But, since I had some slow moments, I sat down with him and stroked his hair, made googly sounds, and played with him. What a doll. My niece, she just had lots of fun with DD, dropping cereal all over the carpet. Those two are real funny together. Hey, at least they cleaned it up.

This afternoon, after my little sister left, my dad showed up out of the blue. He was out with his girlfriend, and they miscalculated the time that she had until she had to be at work. With no time left to run home, dad called to see if he could hang out here. So, now I have company. Interesting enough, my company is asleep in my bed, with a head-cold. I must remember to strip the bed and use some lysol before zonking out for the night, since my own immune system seems to be struggling lately. But, it was great to have someone to sit down to tea with. We talked for a while, and dad gave me advice on how to fix the finish on my dining table. We even watched a little tv together before he got too tired.

I'll say that the real treat of the afternoon was of a different sort though. Giving free rein to my sense of frustration, I wrote to Jeb Bush today. Oh, I was perfectly polite and sweet. No harsh commentary here, but I do hope that he does the right thing, before it is too late. He DOES have the power to take Terri into protective custody, regardless of what Greer says, and I hope that he utilizes the power. Of course, that isn't usually how politics go though. It's always more of a matter of covering one's own bum. Disappointing, usually, but the reality is pretty sickening these days. I read old letters and such from history, penned by earlier men in goverment, and I am so deeply shocked by the changes in the men that I see today. There seems to be little boldness, conviction, willingness to do right, and love of God in the leaders of today. It makes my heart sad. :o (   What is the worst that could happen to Jeb Bush if he stepped in and took protective custody of Terri? He stands the chance of maybe going through an impeachment process. I would say that it would be a far better fate than to have it pester him all the days of his life that he could have worked to save the life of an innocent woman, and didn't.

*sigh* I'm still trying to figure out what to do with my anger, a way to channel it into something positive. I am a firm believer that anger can be righteous, and should be used to effect positive change. The ways to accomplish this, however, have not been so easy to find. So, in the meantime, I'm going to cook dinner and have a large glass of water. I'm going to enjoy my meal and be incredibly grateful to have it. I'm going to thank God from the bottom of my heart, and pray for the day when Terri is no longer starving and thirsty, whether on this earth or in heaven. I hope against hope that men will stand up and do the right thing by her, but at the same time, I am jaded enough to believe that the evil in men's hearts will dominate this situation. As I grow older, every day I see something that opens my eyes just a bit more as to why God would ever want to flood the earth and destroy His creation. I'm pretty disgusted by the nature of man, and I have much lower standards than God. It's amazing that He loves us enough to offer salvation through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. We definitely deserve none of it. Thank God for His mercy.

Here is a wonderful post that I found in my wanderings of the web today, dealing with Terri's situation and our culture of death. Me, I have nothing more to say about it, except that I continue to pray for Terri, and to pray for control over my own righteous anger. In the meantime though, lots of steadfast people are blogging on the events as they unfold. Me, I'm going to just keep reading their good thoughts as I peruse the headlines.

A Note of Thankfulness

I value marriage. Admittedly, there have been times in my own married life when I have acted out in rebellion and fear, and have not done what was in the best intrest of my marriage. I think that through those times, I learned a great deal about myself. Those lessons, combined with what I have been witness to through my own parents' divorce, have made me a very strong advocate for God's institution of marriage.

I know that there are many older couples in the world who are pretty much sick of each other. They look at their adult children, and they believe that their jobs are done. There couldn't possibly be more that they can do for those children, and sometimes the thoughts drift toward more selfish lines of 'I deserve my own life after all these years'. Whether children are small and written off as being resilient, or older and dismissed as old enough to just deal- divorce is damaging.

When I was a young girl, I knew children whose parents were divorced. I was sad for them, knowing that they didn't have the kind of home experience that I did. I knew that when I went home at night, we would all sit around our dining table and eat together. I knew that my mom would help me with my spelling words, and that she would call for my dad to come in and help when I got confused with decimals. It was difficult to even wrap my young mind around what it must be like to not have my family together. Granted, things were not always as pleasant as milk and honey in our house. There was a lot of fighting, and a lot of drama. However, as a 10 year old, I would have chosen to have my family together every time. As a 24 year old, I would still make that choice again and again.

As an adult, the divorce of my parents has had some deep impacts on my life. I can't even begin to express how grateful I am that God has given me such a patient husband. There have been so many days when I would be crying, depressed, stressed, and angry. Still, through all of my wild emotions, I had the loving support of my husband to help me through. If it were not for the fact that I was married at the time of my parents' divorce, I may never have married at all. Yes, it shook me that deeply to see so many of the things that I loved, my hopes for later years of my life decimated. I watched as every tradition that our family had, ever happy gathering that we enjoyed, all just wilt away. I have my memories, of course, but memories do little when my own daughter is deprived of having the fullness of her family.

When I watched my mother grieve over my father's infidelity, and her choice to divorce him, it tore at my heart. There is only so much that you can stand to be witness to, watching someone self-destruct before your eyes. As a woman, I could identify with her feelings, could understand every pain and fear that she had. Her pain became my pain, and she wasn't the only one agonizing over the idea that she would grow old and die alone. My mother's experience planted a fear so deep in my heart that I have to constantly rely on the Lord to keep the panic at bay. After all, it isn't rare anymore to hear of 28 years of marriage being thrown away on a whim and a smile from a stranger. For a time, it paralyzed me, the idea that DH and I could make a family and grow together, and that one day it could all be gone. Like I said, had I not already been married, I don't know if I ever would have taken that step.

My father, in his selfishness, never did stop to realize what life would be like for his children. More to the point, I'm not sure that it was really an issue. When I see him with his girlfriend, it honestly makes me feel as though I am going to vomit. When they share intimacies, I have a hard time deciding if I feel sick, or if it is just a deep burning anger that rears it's head. Of course, being an adult, my father never bothered to think that after years of having a family, my heart would always be convicted that only he and my mother belong together. I cannot even begin to express how hard I have had to fight to maintain a respectful view of men, in general. If it weren't for the loving guidance and example of women that I speak to via the internet, I would be hard-pressed not to sound like a jaded liberal feminist. If it weren't for the determination of my husband to be a good man and to dedicate himself to me again and again, I might have given up the idea that men were beautiful creations of God.

Hopefully some good has come from the disaster of my parents' relationship. We will never have holidays together, but it has strengthened my resolve to nurture husband and our child. We have chosen not to cater to people and forego our own familly time and celebrations to be everywhere for everyone. Instead, we've pulled tight in an effort to nurture each other. Hopefully in this way, we will be able to have a strong family, and give our own child what she needs to grow into a secure young lady, and a healthy adult. Things aren't always easy, but it's a learning process. I will always grieve for the family life that I am not able to have with my parents, but I am slowly restricting that to a small portion in the back of my heart. I made the decision early on that I would not let the poor decisions of my parents creep in and pick my marriage apart and have me living in constant fear. Only by the grace of God though. Only by His grace.......