I am tired today, really tired.

Little sister and her family stayed the night with us last night, which was very much an impromptu circumstance. While I was preparing dinner, hoping that I had enough for our unannounced guests, little sister asked if they could stay the night. DH said that he didn't care, so I set about getting everything set.

Dinner was great. I really love the BBQ grill. I cooked some hamburgers and hotdogs on the grill, and I just love the way that the fire flashes up when you flip a hamburger over an open fire. Woohoo! It's invigorating, and really had me thankful that I was moderately alert at least. lol

The rat is faster than the hand, or at least she was last night. *laughs* I don't blame her for a moment though. DH was installing a cute little plastic house in the rat cage last night, so the girls would have something to play with and run around on. Speedy, in particular, likes to climb the walls of the rat cage and check stuff out. Or rather, that is what she did yesterday in an effort to steal the crackers with peanut butter that I put in there as a treat for the girlies. I put it up in their hammock, and Speedy climbed up there and dragged treat down and hid in the corner, not allowing Sammy to have any. Anywho, Speedy likes to climb, so I thought it would be a good idea to give her something fun.

Well, as DH was installing the house and set Speedy in it, she became spooked. Of course, it makes sense that she would be spooked with Tigger always sitting right there, eyeballing the poor creatures. I doubt that Tigger would have done anything to her, but she didn't know any better. So, she started running around like a silly bug. In an effort to help DH out, I took the dog and we hung out in the computer room. Unlike Tigger, Skippy wouldn't think twice about chewing on a little rodent.

Since I had nothing else to do at 2am, I started working on something that I'll probably post later on today. I think it is funny that I think of serious things that I would like to write about when I am either soaking in the bathroom, or incredibly sleep deprived. *laughs* I wrote a couple paragraphs, and then poked my head out, careful to keep the dog in the room. Oh, then DH tells me that he's had the ratty back in her cage for a while, and just forgot to come and tell me. Oops. lol

So, needless to say, things have been moving slow around here today. Breakfast was blessed family event, with us all peacefully sharing the cereal box and milk. *chuckles* I was going to cook something, but DH just wanted cereal. I'm still trying to figure out what housework I am going to do today, because I don't normally do much of anything on a Sunday. I usually work every other day of the week, and definitely love the chance to have one day when I can just chill out. We're even going to skip making more dishes by throwing some hamburgers on the grill this afternoon, and using disposible plates.

I still haven't heard from little sister, even though we needed to talk about what is happening with her family. She said that she "might" be by this weekend, which isn't that great. We've still been looking for a cheap flat for her, but without knowing if she will use her money for it, we can't make any arrangements. I know that I will see her tomorrow though, because she wants me to babysit the kids while she goes to see her lawyer. DH was going to talk to her about his decision, but it looks as though I may be pressed into doing so, because he won't be home during the day. Oh well. *shrugs* Hey, at least I will get a chance to put my neice in the sweater that I made for her. She is such a tiny little girl that I know it is going to be too big. But, I will get a chance to see if she will be on her way toward growing into it by the fall. It is a cream colored sweater with a purple collar and purple cuffs, with purple on the bottom also. This summer, I will work on a couple sweaters for DD, since she will have outgrown the ones that she wore this winter. I'm going to be a busy lady though, getting all of my crochet projects done. I am still making a baby blanket for DH's aunt, and then another one for the baby that little sister is carrying. It seems like everything is happening in October.

 

 

 

*tired laugh* No, not that I want that whole "coming out of the closet" experience, but that having a quiet and dark place to hang out could be nice. More of a bonus though, would be the fact that my family would be saved from me. I'm not particularly crabby, but very lackluster today.

DH and I had a conversation after dinner last night, about my sister's plight. He became so passionate in the conversation that he actually started raising his voice to me, while he was making his points. I think that my eyes were as big as saucers. I just calmly reminded him that he didn't need to yell at me, that I am not my sister. He apologized for getting carried away, and that was good. I didn't (and don't) hold it against him. I understand his position. It is just hard to accept. So, I just sat there like a goober, quietly crying, wondering if my mom and sisters are going to hate me. Then again, it's just as hurtful for me if they point their anger at DH, so I'm not sure that it matters who is getting the brunt of the negative comments.

During our conversation, DH came right out and said that we would not help my sister by opening our home to her family. He feels that she should have been more responsible, and that in his opinion, her children would be better off living with their father. More than anything though, he just doesn't want CPS coming here for inspections all the time. He has heard horror stories from his boss, about he was treated because he used spanking for disciplining his daughter. Add to that the fact that it will not be long before DD reaches compulsory school age, and he doesn't want us to have added problems with homeschooling. During the conversation, we did agree that we would save up the money and become members of the Home School Legal Defense Association. Aside from not wanting to enable my sister in her irresponsibility, DH doesn't want to support their family, or leave our child open to questions from any social workers who have no business with her (we also use spanking for willful disobedience, sometimes).

It's not that I disagree with him, or that I am giving him a hard time about the decision. DH most certainly has the right to tell my sister 'no'. It is just hard for me, having my mother pulling a guilt trip on me, and my sister looking to me as though I can just make something happen for her. I shared my worries with my mom, and she just made quick to tell me how she would help my sister no matter what, if she were in my position. So, I've been a little bit of a mess today, trying to keep myself together. I've been wracking my brain, trying to figure out different ways to help, without getting me into funkiness with DH. He still thinks that we can get her into a flat near us, since rents are real cheap here. My mom just sent little sister some money, so she should have enough to get into a place here. It's just a matter of whether or not she will save it, or decide to spend it on a lawyer. It wouldn't make any sense to do that though, because having a lawyer isn't going to help her keep her children living with her, if she doesn't have a suitable place for them to stay. *sigh*

I'm really upset about the idea of little sister's ex having the kids. He is such a mean and spiteful man, and I know that I wouldn't get a chance to visit with them. I have no legal rights, only being their aunt, and I don't know how they would work visitation with little sister. *sniffles* So, I probably won't get to see the kids, and neither will DD, until the time that little sister is able to get her stuff straight and fight to get her munchkins back. I'm not sure if she'll be interested in seeing me and having me visit anyway, after all of this.

All of the stuff that is going on has me in a bit of a slump. DH walks around as though nothing could possibly be wrong, and it is wearing on me and making me even more upset. It makes it seem as though he feels no empathy, or even sympathy, for the distress that I am experiencing. If he asks me one more time today "what is wrong", I think that I'm going to just grow snakes out of my head or something. I am sad, worried, frustrated, and completely impotent. How exactly AM I supposed to feel??

Anywho, today has been interesting all by itself. DD woke up before me this morning, and she thought it would be great to get into some trouble, I guess. So, she opened a tube of anitbiotic ointment that I had just gotten for DH (he cut his finger pretty bad), and she rubbed the ointment all over her skin and in her hair. I shampooed her head real good, but I still can't get it all out. I think that tomorrow, I am going to put dish washing detergent in her hair.

After getting DD cleaned up and properly scolded for fooling with medicine, DH and I cleaned up the computer room. It had become a cluttered mess, full of stuff that we didn't know what to do with. We had unpacked a lot of things from our move, but these odds and ends were kind of intimidating. Well, we went through the stuff today, and now the mess has spread it's tentacles into the rest of the house. *laughs* I swear that DH does that on purpose because he knows that I will expend all of my energy trying to get the house back to rights again. So, he doesn't ACTUALLY have to CLEAN a room, just move the mess elsewhere. He's funny. I don't really mind though, because spread-out mess doesn't bother me nearly as much as one big mess. If I can pick at it and have a sense of accomplishment in a few minutes, I'm happy. So, at least things will get done.

Early in the afternoon, I took a break from the cleaning and went off to the kitchen to get our dinner started. After stuffing a small pot roast, potatoes, carrots, and seasoning into the crockpot, it was back to the grind. Not long after, DH decided that it was time to go shopping, except that he had to go help someone at work for a minute. So, he dropped me off at the market, and he and DD went off to his workplace, promising to be back in about 15 minutes. Well, about 10 minutes after I had been standing outside, looking like a ninny, they showed up. *laughs* I was surprised though, how fast shopping goes by when I do it myself, and don't have to fuss with DD over every little thing. She's such a grabby, spoiled child. lol It seems like a strange statement to make, since folks tend to think that I'm some big, mean mommy. I tell her 'no' a lot. Then again, she asks about things SO OFTEN, that if I tell her 'no' 70% of the time, she still gets spoiled by the remaining 30% of yeses. Oh well, it must be that only child thing. She has nothing better to do with her time than to pester me. She derives wicked pleasure from it, as she would if she were torturing a younger sibling, only I'm about 6 times her age. lol I get my own though, because I'll send her to bed a little early if she bugs me too much, so she's careful to ride that fine line between annoyance and the insanity of mom. *chuckles*

Now it is quiet time. I finished cutting DH's hair, which is a real blessing. He has been looking very shaggy lately. My feet are sore and puffy, and my belly is full from dinner. So, I'd say that it is about time to pop in a movie and let my brain turn to mush for 90 minutes. I'm so "done" today that if I were a turkey, my thermometer would have popped hours ago. I am so insanely tired, both physically and emotionally, that heaven would consist of a movie, a cup of pudding, and a "I just turned into a lobster" hot bath. My only worry is that I'd trickle down the drain with the water.

AAaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooooooo.............................

If there has ever been an issue that I have had difficulties with, it has been in respecting my husband. The problems did not arise from him somehow being less than worthy of respect, but rather, I had no idea what giving respect entailed.

Lately, there are many resources that keep bringing up what is so readily stated in God's Word.

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.  Ephesians 5:33 (emphasis mine)

How many women out there come from the same kind of background that I do? I was never taught how to respect any man, not my father, nor a husband. Men were spoken of in such belittling terms that you would believe that not one man had a single working brain cell in their head. Of course, this isn't true, but it was how I was taught to think, that women are the brains while men are the dumb muscle. For all of that, women could learn to be just as strong as men also, which is also largely false.

As an adult, I am finally able to see things a little more clearly than I had as a child. For example, I have realized that my life was not without the positive influence of a marriage working as God designed. It was only that I was too young to understand the dynamics of my (paternal) grandparents, that I did not see what was right in front of me. To the casual observer, it looked as though my grandmother wore (or wears) the pants in the relationship, which couldn't be further from the truth. They have worked out their relationship so well over the years that their marriage mimics the fluidity to which they waltz together. Moving more as ONE body, they take their steps and turns. Each is responsible for their own movements, but they are so solidly connected that you cannot tell who is truly leading the dance.

In my childhood, I saw my grandmother planning weekend shopping trips with us girls (my 2 sisters and I), and saw that she handled the majority of the finances that were visible to those outside of the 'know'. Because I had been taught in a warped way that control over finances meant power in a relationship, I thought that I had it figured out. Silly me, I never paid attention on the occassions that my papa pulled out his own wallet when we went food-hunting in the food court. All of the subtle indicators of how they managed their marriage were there all throughout my childhood, but I was not attuned to picking them up.

• I never witnessed my grandparents raising their voices with each other. I am sure that it didn't mean they never had disagreements, but that they were kind toward each other and kept private things private and away from we children.
• I never witnessed my grandma or papa speaking ill about the other, not in front of one another, nor quietly amongst friends. They always seemed very respectful toward each other. We can only speculate over what kind of conversations took place behind closed doors. *laughs*
• Grandma was always kind to papa, not demanding and nagging. She was more apt to laugh than anything, when papa would fall asleep during Jeopardy while "resting his eyes". It didn't even matter if she had to call for him a couple times when dinner was ready.
• Grandma really likes the idea of Romans 12:21, and lives it out every day. I should have listened better when she would tell me over and over, all those years, to "kill them with kindness".
• Grandma was never one to make snap decisions, and most definitely not without quietly talking with papa. She respected him enough to always keep him a part of things and to share with him.

Of course, this isn't a comprehensive list of all the things that I just love about my grandma. You'd really have to know her to "get" why I get all bubbly when thinking of her. I am blessed by the time that I spent living in their home, both as a child and as an adult. She's given me many memories to have "Aha!" moments with, in addition to having given me the "baking bug".

So, all of this to say, I want to respect my husband. The more I respect him, the more that I see the manifestations of his love for me. Back to the title of the post though, it has also brought out more clearly the line of demarkation that has to be drawn between a woman and her family. I can say that there are many times when my family would pressure me for things, not wanting to accept that I will want time to go to my husband and ask for his blessing. Issues can arise when poor attitudes pop up, and people try to demonize my husband as a "control freak", or to insinuate that I am a doormat or without my own intellect. Of course, it isn't handled in so blatant fashion, but small comments here and there. Because of that, I have had to set boundaries with those that I love.

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Today, this is translating into the situation that has come up with my little sister. Even though I had been clear with her that I would not have a chance to talk with DH until after he came home from work, she and her family came over last evening. I discussed with her things that would be needed, if DH said that they could come and stay with us. She was less than enthused about the guidelines that I spelled out as far as my needing her full cooperation in getting all of the housework done. She seemed to believe that simply paying for their groceries would be enough of a contribution, though the housework would increase greatly. All in all, I was quite disappointed by her attitude, and it made it difficult for me to remain real positive when DH and I sat down to talk.

All in all, DH was able to contribute information to the conversation that I would have had no clue about. For instance, my sister and her husband could not be able to have a bedroom in the basement because of housing guidelines that CPS would be sticklers about. He said that it had to do with fire escapes and window sizes down there. So, while we technically have room for everyone, it would not be acceptable to CPS. We DO have enough bedrooms to offer the children a place to live, but that isn't an option either because they would never let us have the children here while their father is fighting so hard to have them taken away from my sister, for spite. Need I even mention that DH is not fond of having CPS in here doing inspections all of the time? I'm not fond of those people coming over unannounced all of the time and pestering us either.

I am sure that my sister is going to be upset, and she isn't the only one who is frustrated. I feel bad that there isn't more that we can do right now. We are trying so hard to find some way to "fix" things. Still, there is only so much that we can manage after little sister's gross mismanagement of funds and such. We just can't afford to support their whole family. My heart is so soft, and I hate the thought of little sister not having her children with her, having to fight to have visitation times with them and such. I know that my emotions would lead me to do things that are unhealthy for my own family, trying to protect her from her own foolishness. Thankfully, DH is more grounded and has his eyes solidly fixed on protecting our family, while exhaustively searching out every option available. He even asked me to search for flats near our house, with the idea that we would front them the money to get into a cheap flat. We would have to sacrifice DEEPLY to be able to do that. I had no luck though, and it looks as though we are out of options.

This whole situation makes me so thankful to have DH. I wish that other girls, like my sister, could have someone to help them understand that waiting for marriage is such a blessing. If a man does not want to make the commitment to marry you, then turn your attentions elsewhere. It doesn't benefit me to say these things. I don't get anything good from trying to talk with young girls about sex outside of marriage. However, I just want any young women who might be reading this to know that I care so much about the plight of young women who just want someone to love them. Handling this outside of marriage has hurt so many women, not given them the love that they needed. Having a child by an uncommited man can have disasterous affects on your life, and that of your children. Having a child will not give you a way to hold on to a part of a man who does not want to be with you. Purposefully having a baby, just to have someone to always love you, it doesn't necessarily work either.

I am lucky. When I found out that I was pregnant, the man that I was involved with turned out to be a strong man. Thousands of men are not that strong, and lots of women are left to try and make a life for themselves and their babies without the help of a husband, or even extended families. My guy could have as easily run for the hills, and I could have been left to try and work while raising my child, fretting over if I could keep a roof over our heads, or food in our bellies. I could have had a man who had a vengeful heart, and saught to take my child away from me. I could have spent years of my life fighting to make enough money to "earn" my way back into my baby's life. I thank God so much that I was a "lucky" woman, to have a faithful boyfriend, and now a faithful husband in him. Not all women are so lucky, and they hurt every day of their lives because they did not guard themselves against sin and the consequences of it.

Lord have mercy and compassion on all of us, the women who are struggling, and those who are trying so hard to help.