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Reflections on...

Created To Be His Help Meet

by Debi Pearl

Chapter 11

The Nature of Man and Woman

-Man was created to subdue; woman was created to assist-

 

In the beginning of this chapter, Debi begins by illustrating some of the traits of men in general. To this, she states that God made men the way that they are, and goes on to illustrate her point:

"God created man with a nature that is aggressive, and then commanded him to exercise dominion over the earth (Gen. 1:28). He created the male sex with an extra dose of testosterone, which provokes him to want to work hard, conquer everything in his path, and subdue all things."

I can identify with that man. *laughs* He sleeps next to me at night. I've always been aware that we are such different creatures. I cans shake my head and wring my hands as he uses ropes and chainsaws to cut down trees. I stare in wonder as he works and cultivates our land as he desires, and it actually works. (I seem to have less than a green thumb) I can grin till my face hurts, seeing him sitting tall in a truck that dwarfs him so much that he looks like a small boy, sitting in the cab. I may never completely understand it, but I know that God made him the way that he is. Instead of fussing at him for his drives, I have really begun to simply enjoy him just as he is.

Next, Debi addresses differences in men and women, illustrated by the fall of mankind. She makes a very strong point, in that Satan could have tempted Adam, but he waited instead to tempt Eve.

"For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression" (1 Timothy 2:13-14)

Why was Eve so different? What left her more vulnerable to tempation from satan?

"Why did satan avoid Adam and approach Eve with his offer of great spirituality? Lucifer is a male being (Isaiah 14:12-20). He understands the natural resistance of the male. He knows that males say 'no' just to prove they are in command. But Lucifer could see that this soft, sweet female was vulnerable. God had made her by nature to be responsive, and she was trusting and naive. Being willing to rationalize, she could be deceived- having the best of intentions."

I have found this illustration to be true in my own life, and in my marriage. I acknowledge that I look toward the good in people, and that I rationalize all sorts of difficult or harmful situations in an effort to "help". There have been many times when I have allowed my emotions to rule over my logic, and there have been oftimes difficult consequences to deal with because of that. Many days, I am very glad to have the stabilizing force of my husband, to ground me a bit when it comes to the myriad of decisions that we need to make.

I really like the way that Debi paints the picture of the different character traits that men and women are blessed with. I do see that in many ways, my husband is clothed in heavy armor. He is equipped to do battle on so many fronts. I, however, must be able to remain soft and expressive, so that I am best able and prepared to raise our child. Especially because we have a daughter, I am better prepared to anticipate her needs and to be able to respond in kind. The softness of my heart has also been a weakness to me, when dealing with other people, and men in particular. As my husband has said on more than one occassion, "If a man has just the right words for you, it is possible that he could talk you into just about anything". Of course, it stings a bit. I had been taught that I needed to be completely self sufficient and independent of every man. I could be just as strong as a man, and naturally was more intelligent. Ok, that was all garbage. I don't want to wrestle trees that weigh many times my own body weight, and I'm not as smart as I'd like to think I am sometimes. I know that I have a vulnerability, but that my husband is strong in the same area where I am wide open for attack. I may not be armored, but my husband will gladly stand between me and anything/anyone who seeks to harm me. If I choose to defer to his authority and judgement, I am not only honoring him and obeying as the Bible instructs, but I am saving myself from full-on attacks from enemies who know just where to sink their blows.

Through the next portion of the chapter, Debi deals with women and their sense of 'spirituality'. I know that what she says is often the case, where women believe that they are more strongly lead by God than their husbands. Because they "feel" close to God, they believe that they have more wisdom than their God-appointed "head" (read: husband).

"That a man is less sensitive than a woman does not make him inferior to her, nor does her being more subject to deception than her husband make her inferior to him- just different."

My husband can be a sensitive guy, but not always at the times and in the areas that I would think are best. (As if I am some sort of judge, eh? lol) There have been times when I have felt that I was seeking God and living the Christian life more fervently than my husband, though none of that was really true, and isn't today. Time and again, I find myself repeating Ephesians 2:8, reminding myself that I am not any better than anyone else, including my husband. We are different creatures, and his faith is his own, along with the exercise of it. Because I am made different, I may not understand some of the ways in which my husband walks in faith, but that does not mean that he is somehow a worse sinner than myself. Just because I am vulnerable to sob stories and liars, it doesn't mean that I am a lesser creature than my husband. My God loves me just as much as He loves any other man. Jesus did specifically die for MY sins too. In God's eyes, I am a wonderfully made creation, beautiful in so many ways, precious enough to die for. None of that is negated because the Lord seeks to teach me about Christ and His Church, through this humble marriage, and through my place of submission under my husband's authority.

Next, Debi speaks on Adam, and his own weakness. I find her points so striking and true within my own marriage and the effect that I have on my husband.

"God had instructed Adam, and Adam had instructed Eve. Adam clearly understood that satan's promise of spiritual enlightenment was a diabolical lie against God. The natural armor God had given Adam granted him enough understanding to doubt the devil and resist his lies. But Adam's armor had one small weak spot. He was not ruled by his feelings except where it concerned his woman. Adam's soul was exposed and vulnerable to the woman he loved. He wanted her happy, even if it meant disobeying God or going against his natural understanding of truth." [emphasis hers]

My husband draws happiness from me. If I am joyful, he is joyful. If I am miserable, it eats at him until he is miserable, desperately looking for ways to 'fix' it. My husband wants me to be happy, and is willing to sacrifice a great deal, in order to see me smile. What I have learned from my sister, Eve, is that I need to be very careful what I ask for. Am I going to manipulate my husband and reject his authority? Is what I am wanting going to tempt or lead my husband to do something that is against God's will? It is good that my husband has such a weakness to me. After all, this enables him to have a soft place in his heart for me, and it keeps him from being a tyrant in his power. Now, it is my duty to marshal myself so as to refrain from abusing my knowledge and position in his heart.

The next issue that Debi addresses is that of the "Jezebel" woman. I find it very enlightening, how she brings light to the nature of Jezebel.

"When the name Jezebel is mentioned, mostof us see the painted face of a seductively-dressed woman gazing into the eyes of a man who lacks good sense. The bible portrays Jezebel in a different light. Revelation 2:20 says that Jezebel "calleth herself a prophetess," and men received her as a teacher, showing that she was part of structured Christianity, "ministering" to the saints. Jesus warned the Chruch against the teaching woman, Jezebel. Any woman who defies the scripture's prohibition against women teachers in the Chruch is following in the grave traditon of Jezebel."

Jezebel:

• believed that she was more spiritually and religiously devoted than her husband
• controlled her husband and robbed him of his authority, causing him to be an even weaker man with anger and depression as bed fellows.
• used her husbands emotional stress to endear herself to him, all so she could manipulate him

In contrast, Debi shows us examples of ideal women, such as Ruth and Esther. Debi makes a point to draw our attention to Ruth's humility and deference toward those in authority, along with her strong work ethic. With Esther, her submission to God's will for women enabled her to win the King's love and appreciation.

Turning to Proverbs 31, Debi goes on to use the text to describe a virtuous woman.

"She is confident, hardworking, creative, and resourceful.Her first virtue is that the heart of her husband is safe with her."

In such a unisex society, I believe that Debi has hit the nail on the head when she says,"It is important for a woman to understand that she must be feminine (devoid of dominance and control) in order for her man to view her as his exact counnterpart, and thus willingly repsond to her protectively, with love and gentleness." I don't know about other women, but I long after days past, when men were men, and women were women. I think that females on a whole have done us all a great disservice by claiming to be just as "big and bad" as men. I know of young men my own age who wouldn't even think twice about hitting a female, all because women have become so agressive and tried to put themselves on par with men, in every realm. Gone are the protective insticts when faced with a woman who acts like a man. Maybe I am not the "norm", but I would much prefer to have my husband stand between me and another aggressive male, than to sit back and cheer me on, in what looks to develop into an altercation.

Chapter 12

By Divine Appointment

-The only position where you will find real fulfillment as a woman is as a help meet to your husband-

 

"But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God" (1 Corinthians 11:3)

"For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body" (Ephesians 5:23)

There are probably always going to be women who argue against God's order, and submission. No matter how many times that God repeats again and again in His Word, many women do not want to hear that they are not appointed as the dominant party. Hey, let's face it, we were made to be helpers. I, personally, would rather learn to be a helper and be glad about it. It's better than the alternative of not existing, eh? lol Seriously though, our earthly marriages are designed to teach us about the "Great Mystery", that is the relationship between Christ and His Church. This isn't all about us in the here and now. Instead of focusing on the petty squabbles over who is taking out the trash and what is for dinner, I've chosen to point my eyes and heart in the right direction, God. As with all things, this is not by my own willpower. I have little enough of that as it is. I depend firmly on the good grace of God to steer me clear of selfishness and rebellion.

These days, it seems as though anyone can become a preacher amist the congregations. It is not uncommon to see women being ordained now, though it is specifically forbidden for women to teach men.

"Let your women keep silence in the churches:[Paul gives this as a New Testament mandate] for it is not permitted unto them to speek; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law" (1 Cor. 14:34) emphasis Debi's

Doing the topic more justice than I am apt to do, Debi continues on with,"Paul anticipates those who would say that his commands concerning women are unique to a specific culture and not universally applicable. He points out that there is nothing new or unique about this command, for the law of the Jews had made such a distinction for hundreds of years."

When will we leave off this rebellion and embrace the positions that we have been given, and take joy in them? Why are we never satisified with what great things we are given, and always lust after what is another's? Isn't that precisely what women do when we shrug off our position as help meet and take on the teaching role that has been reserved for men? I personally wonder what kind of fear that haunts the hearts of so many women, at the meer idea that someone might think that they are inferior to a man. We are not any less loved by God, because we have a different role. We are not any less important to our society because we perform different tasks than our men. We have a vital place to fill in God's design for marriage, and it is a true blessing.

I love what Debi has to say, in regards to Deborah, a woman in history who is commonly used as ammunition by women who usurp the authority of men.

"Many times I have rad or heard the rebuttal,'What about Deborah who was a judge in Israel?' If you actually read the story, you would know that the text makes much of the fact that the men were shamed by allowing a woman to take the place of prominence. There is no question that Deborah performed the job well, that she saved Israel, that God used her; that is just the point. When the men allowed a woman to take their role and perform the job successfully, it resulted in shame to the nation of Israel. Deborah knew this to be the case and warned the men as such."

Debi also goes on to address another area where those of the feminist mindset try to use biblical examples to support their claims that gender roles do not matter. For this, Debi looks at the ministry of Aquila and Priscilla. So many women are apt to cry out that women can be teachers because Priscilla is mentioned in the ministry. However, as Debi points out, this was only ever in connection with her husband.

"The naysayers also draw our attention to the ministry of Priscilla and Aquila, as if the inclusion of the woman with her husband somehow negates the hundred or so doctrinal verses that teach about a woman's role as a helper to her husband. On the contrary, although they are mentioned five times in the Bible, Priscilla is never mentioned alone."

 

What a wonderful thing, that a help meet was mentioned alongside her husband, concerning the ministry. I look at it in a different light as some others, in that I think that it paints a great picture of how important our role of help meet is. Great men are supported by great women. We are important, and here for a reason. There is a NEED for us. That was why Eve was created in the first place. What we need to change is the view that if we can't be the boss, we won't have any part in the task. It is a silly notion, and it hurts everyone. Priscilla was able to help her husband in a great ministry, and now women know her name and are reading about her hundreds of years later. I would say that that is a big accomplishment, all because she was good at what she was made for- helping her husband. Woohoo!

I can't speak for every woman, but I know that when I put aside my rebellion and began to embrace the role that I was created for, family life became tremendously more enjoyable. When you do things the way that God wants them done, you will reap the benefits. I am still growing and learning, trying to exorcise myself of the old mindset, and to align myself with God's Word. It is a continual learning experience, and I've not been without my complete failures, and some raving successes. I know what it is like to win, and have the wine of triumph turn to dust in my mouth. I've also know what it is like to have my feelings stung and to find humility, and to be thankful and glad in it, because I knew where the truth was. God's way WORKS. :o )

Ok, so I was talking with Sis the other day, and I had happened to mention a compliment that my ex had said about DD. Sis turned and gave me the funniest look, and asked if my husband knew that I was talking with my ex boyfriend. Of course, I immediately informed her that DH is completely aware, that it doesn't bother him, and that sometimes he passes on comments to me- for me to give to this ex. She looked at me as though I am completely insane. Hmmm.....

Well, I can imagine that this would be a very bad thing if I were talking to this person without my husband knowing, or against his wishes. However, I am not. Sis wondered why I bother to talk with this person, and I sheepishly replied that I like to talk to his mother, through him. She is computer illiterate, and I am still too shy to just pick up the phone and call her. She's a great lady, and I wonder if I have always liked her more than I like her son. But, we did part in a very messy way, and since apologizing and asking forgiveness from each other, I think that we are both still a little hesitant. After all, there does seem to be something a little odd about our friendship, being that I used to see her son.

Now, it isn't that this man is not a type of friend to me. I will admit to not being terribly interested in many things that he talks about with me. For example, I don't really care how many times he gets drunk and goes out on dates with brazillian women. Honestly, I feel sad for him and spend most of my time trying to remind him of the lessons him mother taught him as a boy, concerning our Lord. I never would have thought that I would try and minister to my ex. It just seems....weird. He isn't happy though, and I know what is missing. So, from time to time we will happen to be on the computer at the same time, so we will send messages back and forth. Everything is incredibly platonic. Is this weird? Does it give the impression of sin because I talk with him every so often? I am still trying to make up my mind whether or not I should continue this loose friendship. I do not want other people to think less of me, or to think that I am shaming my husband. It's an interesting circumstance, that is for sure.

I've expressed to Sis before that talking with this ex does not make me feel any softer emotions toward him, no matter what our history is. Actually, it reaffirms that I made the best choice in marrying DH. I do not miss this guy. I do not long after this guy. If I saw him on the street, I wouldn't feel any real urge to stop and talk. It just didn't seem like a big deal to me, because I am so emotionally removed from this minor relationship. We speak as friends, and I let him know what is going on "at home", since he now lives across the country. He tells me when my favorite bands are coming to town, and is there if I am really stumped by some computer mumbo-jumbo. To me, it is completely innocent. Am I missing something? I sure don't want any casual observer to think that I am doing something that is amoral and harmful. *scratches head*

Oooo..... I fess up to it. *nods* I slept in real late this morning. I'm not sure why, but DD slept in pretty late, and then never bothered to come in an wake me up. I've come to rely on her as my trusty alarm clock. Some people have a buzzer, and I have a 4 year old poking my closed eyelids and stuffing a toy telephone next to my head. "Mommy! Papa wants to talk to you. You have to wake up!"

Aaarrrrrfffff........*mumble, mumble, mumble*

I put myself on a little bit of a schedule today. I gave myself time to sit down to breakfast with DD, and then I was off to the housework. I actually managed to spend an hour cleaning my room, but I still can't see where there is much of a change. *laughs* Ok, that has something to do with the books on the dressers, all begging for a new book case. So, I sorted the books and lined them up prettily on my desk in the computer room. Now all I have to do is find a place to put all of DH's tools and weird work things that have migrated into our little "love haven". Don't you know how romantic I feel when I have to step over a 4' level, nestle candles amongst screwdrivers, and pick errant screws out of my socks? Yeah baby! yeah! *shakes head* Well, no. lol So, I TRIED to do something about it today. I need to take some things down to the basement tomorrow.

Next, I was off to clean the computer room, and then I moved on to the kitchen. I did pick up and make things nice and neat, but now it looks like a cooking class from hades. No one wants to eat what I have on those cooking sheets. *laughs* I've been baking rodent bedding today. DH came up with the *interesting* idea to put the paper pulp into the washing machine on the spin cycle. Need I mention that I quickly offered an emphatic "NO!" ? *chuckles* Hey, he loves it when I'm submissive, but I'm not sure that he would like grey underwear and a clogged machine. Yuckers.

DD and I had a quiet dinner of chicken nuggets and corn on the cobb this evening. DH was over at my dad's house, helping him hang his new kitchen cabinets. Apparently they have it all done now. That's good. Dad's only about 18 years behind schedule. lol Oh, you think I'm joking? The house was tore up when I was 7, and he is just now starting to put it in order. It's sad that my dad never thought enough of us kids (and my Mom), to bother making the house decent to live in before, but now he will do it so he can have a rental property. Dad's a real trip. It makes me sad every time that I think of the house being nice. My mom worked so hard to make that hovel clean and neat, but there is only so much that you can do with rotten carpet and open rafters. My mom deserved better than that. Of course, we children did too. I should be happy for my dad and his progress, but it just lights up his selfishness. He wasn't the little girl who was crying because friends would never come over though. *shrugs* My dad had money, but he spent it on himself and race car parts all of the time, and not his wife and children. All of that really causes me to appreciate all of DH's hard work. I'm glad that at 25 years old, we have our own house, even if it does need a little cosmetic work. I am just happy to have the small things. I was nearly in tears when DH hung the doors in our house, because we didn't have doors as children. We had a blanket hung over the doorjam for the bathroom, because my dad never bothered to fix our house. I appreciate my husband so much. He has a great deal of respect in my eyes because he works very hard, and he takes care of his responsibilities. We have never wanted for necessities while he has cared for us, and he even makes a point to work harder so we can have some of our 'wants'. What a great guy.

DH wasn't too long in coming home, thankfully. We even had time to sit down together and watch '24'. I was happy to not be babysitting the VCR tonight, taping the show for him. lol DD is in bed, nestled in my wolfie blanket. She went to bed real easy after having her storytime. I read to her every night, and tonight I read her three short stories about Jesus. I'm glad that she enjoyed them.

Speaking of DD, she and I had to have a little talk this evening. When we bowed our heads for prayer, she rushed through the table prayer and was already done by the time she finished figuring out how to fold her hands in a comfortable way. So, I asked her to stop and begin again. This evening, I tried to stress to her that prayers should always be said from the heart, and that they are not just words that you rush through before eating. She apologized, and began again at a much slower pace, and with greater reverence. I'm not completely sure if she understood me, but this is something that we can work on as she gets a better grasp of what it means to pray to God.

After my marathon cleaning, I've had plenty of time to work on my latest project. I am currently putting together www.choosinghome.com with my friend, Molly. The site isn't completely done, but it is coming along nicely. I am very excited by the endeavor, and I can't wait until all of the pieces fall into place. If anyone hasn't signed up for Molly's newsletter at www.workathomeconsulting.net , then I would definitely encourage them to do so. Choosing Home is the future site of WAHC, but all of the information that we have is still up at WAHC. There are so many resources that can be so helpful to women who choose to stay at home. I hope that we can take the place to great heights and really make an influence in the lives of many lovely women. There are so many absolutely brilliant women out there who really know how to make 'working at home' a blessing, even among my relatively small list of aquaintences in the blogosphere. How great would it be to see all of these women come together to help each other through the trials and greatness of everyday life? Peachy!

When I was a little girl, no one thought much about what to use for rodent bedding. I had a guinea pig for many, many years whose cage was lined with a layer of kitty litter under a layer of cedar shavings. Ah, and now they say that cedar and pine shavings are very bad for the respiratory health of rodents. So, being that I like to be a good mommy to my rodents, I've taken to making my own bedding, since buying good packaged bedding can be expensive if you change the bedding frequently.

I have read that many people use shredded newspaper for bedding, because it is absorbant and easily attained and disgarded. Also, the ink is most times made from soy, and will not harm the animals. I, however, have a slight difficulty with seeing my pets running around with dingy fur and grey feet. *laughs* So, here are my homemade "stupidly simple" instructions for rat bedding.

Jenna's Stupidly Simple Rat Bedding

1.) Aquire a large bucket in which you can get sloppy. Keep in mind that it will be stained with newspaper dye.

2.) Use only the regular printed pages from your local newspaper, not the glossy pages.

3.) Place the newspaper into the bucket and fill bucket halfway with water. Let the papers soak for a few minutes, and press them down as they get soggy, allowing all of the paper to become saturated.

4.) Enjoy having quiet time. You can do any number of mental tasks, such as praying, menu planning, composing essays, or arguing with yourself as you take the mushy paper and tear and pull it apart. This will go much easier than normal because the saturated paper fall apart fairly easily.

5.) When you think that you have most of the paper suitably shredded, have fun squashing the pulp and grinding hanfulls between your fingers. This breaks the paper down into a mushy pulp, a yucky grey blob that will turn your fingernails grey if you aren't wearing gloves. Don't worry though, it washes off with dishsoap. :o )  The main point is that you work the paper enough that the water turns very murky. You want to wash as much of the ink off of the paper as possible.

6.) Once you have your paper washed as much as you like, use a simple kitchen strainer to drain the water off of handfulls of paper pulp. With the pulp in the strainer, just press carefully on the pulp, and the water will come out, leaving you with damp paper. You can then ball it up in your hand and squeeze out even more water if you like.

7.) After your paper has been squeezed and is fairly dry, then rub it gently between your hands and crumble it into pea sized balls (it doesn't matter if some are bigger or smaller). It doesn't matter so much the size, except that large lumps will dry slower, and all of it still needs to be broken up enough to cover the bottom of the cage.

8.) Once the paper is crumbled up, you have different ways to dry it. If the day is calm and sunny, then you may be able to set your pan of bedding out in the sun. Most times, I have had to place the bedding in the oven on a low setting and bake the moisture out. (I don't trust Michigan weather. lol) Normally, I will start out at about 150-200 degrees. I've found that I have the best luck when I turn the oven on broil, checking the paper every 20 minutes or so, to stir it around a bit. The dry time will vary depending on temperature and amount of bedding being dried. Just be sure to make it as dry as possible (but don't burn it! lol), so no mold or bacteria have a chance to grow on it.

Hey folks, that's it! Once the bedding is dry and cool, you can go ahead and use it to cover the cage. I have a decently large cage, so I have to wash more paper than someone would need to do for a small cage or aquarium. I am very happy with the results though. The bedding is majorly cheap, especially on Monday, when I can ask other people for their old newspapers. *laughs* I would say that that is better than $8/bag that I have to pay at the store. The paper is clean enough that my rats do not become discolored, and they are not bothered by the bedding at all. Should any bedding fall from the cage, I have no problems just vacuuming it up, just like any other scraps of paper.