Today has been a day of questions.

For the first part of the day, we did nothing. Yup. I'm not joking. It was well after noon by the time that the three of us got dressed, and you know what? I don't feel the slightest bit bad about it. I'll tell you, for as long and hard as we've all been working, we deserved some pure "lazy time". We ate cereal and watched cartoons. DH took out an automotive book and searched out information. DD had fun writing and drawing, and then took it upon herself to put in a video. Me, I crawled back into bed and nursed a headache. When I woke up though, I felt so much better. The rain was finally coming to a stop, and I was ready to just attack the day with joy.

Somehow, we managed to completely skip lunch. DH had decided to become ambitious, and he scrambled us some eggs in the morning, while I made toast. DD wanted cereal instead, so at least we all ate something. We didn't even think about eating until we were in Kmart. lol

Shoe shopping was interesting. You know, I think that I have one of those odd men, the kind that like to shop. More than once, I felt a very girlish urge to just sit down and giggle while watching DH walk around with one shoe on. He shoe shops like a right fine lady. *chuckles* He's too cute. In the end, he did finally find a pair of steel-toed shoes that would fit him, and that also look alright. He chooses not to buy regular work boots because he is constantly having to kick off his shoes before walking into people's homes.

If there is one thing that I hate about shopping at Kmart, it is the checkout line. We had run over to the dairy section to see if they had milk on sale, and were in luck. Not only that, but DH is such a softy, and he bought a gallon of chocolate milk because DD was asking so prettily. So, we are standing in the never-ending line, trying to hold on to a squirmy 4 year old, 3 gallons of milk, and a box of heavy shoes. Don't your shoulders ache, just thinking about it? lol Since we were there for so long, DH spotted some little pies, and picked one up for each of us, and that was what we had for lunch. *laughs* I know, SO nutritious. Hey, food is food. lol

After leaving Kmart, we went over to the grocery store, armed with my list. Ok, I might as well have eaten my shopping list instead of the pie. I would have done better on calories, and wouldn't have missed it. lol I'm going to have to figure something out, because it is terrible to try and grocery shop with DH. *chuckles* That man loves to shop. Did I mention that earlier? The funniest part is that he would keep coming back to me asking "is it alright if I get ______?". It just about drove me nutty to keep having to say "you don't have to ask me, silly. If you really want it, then get it." I wonder why he does that. It makes it seem as though I have the guy whipped, but I don't. He's always been like that. When he was visiting me at my parents' house, my mom just about beat him because he'd always ask to use the bathroom. Heeheehee.... He's cute. I love him.

Well, there was one more stop of the day, which was the dollar store. This is the point where I have to 'fess up to killing almost all of our glasses. I swear, I haven't been doing it on purpose. DH gives me funny looks every time I tell him that another glass broke. I did accidentally knock one off the counter though. The rest were all killed in the dishwasher. See, that is why I don't like to use the thing. Sometimes my hands need a break from the dish-water though, or the skin wants to melt right off. I haven't mastered cooking a meal all in one dish, and we always seem to have unexpected dinner guests. Anywho, DH and I bought some cups at the dollar store. I was looking at some pretty glasses, but we eventually agreed that it was best just to invest in plastic. After all, I can't break them, and neither can DD. lol At least I still have decent sized tumblers to use if company comes over, and I don't want to serve them in plastic. *laughs*

So, on to the questions. Dinner was really........interesting (yes, again. lol). I used leftovers, and we made steak fajitas for dinner, with DD keeping the small talk going. She wanted to know what everything was made of.

"Mommy, where did this meat come from?"
"That meat came from a cow, honey."
"But I thought milk comes from cows?"
"It does. So does the meat."
"Oh."

"Mommy, what is that made from?"
"I don't know, what are you pointing at?"
"That, there."
"Oh, the cabinets are made from wood."
"Trees are made out of wood too, right Mommy?"
"Um.....well.......yeah, sort of."  *laughing*

"Mommy, are plants made out of wood too?"
"No, honey."
"Then what are plants made out of?"
"Oh dear, I'm not sure that you'll understand." *turns to daddy for help*

Later....

Oh goodness. I guess you could say that we had a lesson in human anatomy today, though I'm sure my terminology is not to be found in any text book. *groans, shaking head* DD is having bathroom problems. For those who are funny about poo, you'd better just stop reading. lol

The long and short of it is that DD doesn't want to go poo. Nope. She has somehow equated the belly ache from needing to go poo, with the act of ridding herself of the stuff. So, she just cries whenever her tummy hurts, but she doesn't want to actually push the stuff out. This leads to a long bathroom experience, where I have to coach the poor kid into going poo. I guess that when she tightens her stomach, it hurts more, which I'm not surprised at. Still, I keep trying to tell her that she can't just hang onto the stuff. This lead to our weird talk. I was explaining to DD how she gets poo in the first place. So, I explained her stomach in a passable way. However, how to do describe your intestines to a 4 year old? I just told her that it was her tube. *chuckles* Is that bad? I told her that she had to keep going poo, or her tube would get full, and it could break. If her tube broke, then she would have to go to the hospital to have it fixed. She remembers getting her stitches, so she knows that it wouldn't be a fun experience.

I'm still wondering what the whole deal is the the poo though. She tries to save that stuff up, so I have to write on my calendar, every time that she goes. That way, I will remember to MAKE her, at least every other day. When she is done, she even says "goodbye" to her poo. Today I had to roll my eyes at her because she told her "worm poopie" that she would miss it, and she blew it a kiss. That poor kid. I wonder if I should stop her from doing that. *chuckles* I hope she doesn't grow up weird. lol This isn't the first time that I've heard about this though. A woman once shared with me the story of her young boy who refused to poo. He was afraid to have something leaving his body, like part of him was missing. I wonder if that isn't part of DD's problem. It's hard to figure out though, being that she doesn't want to talk about these things very well.

Ok, that's enough of that. SNL is on, and DH wants me to go and watch with him. Oy. lol

Hey! We're having a "house-warming" party over at Choosing Home! Do you have something cute, interesting, or informative to share? I sure bet that you do! Don't have children?? That's ok too!! There are plenty of wonderful women who choose to be keepers of the home, taking care of their husbands. Your input could be a particularly useful addition, showing another point of view, and useful helps for other women!

Men, feeling left out? Come and write! Share with us how important it is for you that your wife is the keeper of your home. Want to share what a blessing she has been? Come and contribute!

For more information about the Choosing Home house-warming party, please click THIS LINK for further details. 

If it weren't for Jay Leno on the tv in the livingroom, the house would be quiet. It's so weird that I don't like it. But, I'm just sad. My sister had to give her kids over to their biological father today, due to court order, and we may not be able to see them again until August. That sucks. It makes me sad, not to mention that it makes my heart hurt for her. Today is her birthday. Happy birthday, you can't have your babies. Yup, girls. Think twice about having sex outside of marriage. It can really turn around to bite you in the bum, if you don't end up with some fatal disease. I keep having to remind myself today that I need to love my enemies, and I guess that includes this butthead who is trying to take my sister's children from her. I'm still mad at him though.

Speaking of babies, today is the anniversary of my baby's birth/death. After 5 years, people expect you to be over the ordeal, or at least that has been my experience. It is more complex than that though. Plus, while I am happy that my son is with God, and never had to deal with the evil of this world, I'm also sad to not know who he is and watch him grow.

You see, I started out as a pretty fanatical mom. After all, I needed something to keep me on this side of sanity as I opened my hand and let that first fist-full of dirt fall onto my child's coffin. Mom's who have been there, they know what I mean. I was out at the cemetary all of the time, trimming the grass with scissors and bringing flowers. I would edge around his headstone, and would even dig the outline of the sod that they planted over him, so I knew just where he was. I would place my hand over that tiny rectangle of dirt, and I would talk to God. I've always known that my baby was no longer there, but a grave is all I have left.

So, the months and years pass by, and other things are "more important". After all, this is also my sister's birthday, and far be it from me to cloud this day when we should be celebrating her LIFE. I have never wanted to be selfish, so we even stopped going to the cemetary. DH stopped taking me, and would give me interesting sidelong looks if I asked to go. When my uncle committed suicide, my mom would make bad comments to me, about not going to the cemetary. Somehow it meant that I didn't love my uncle or my son enough, because I wasn't out there. *shakes head* Regardless of whether I put out flowers or not, I always love the ones that I have lost. I miss my baby every time that I look at my nephews, or even my own daughter. I can't hardly stand the 4th of July anymore, because the fireworks remind me of the gunshot that none of us heard, but everyone felt.

I do still feel a twinge of guilt though, as the day is coming to a close. I haven't been to the cemetary. For those who don't know, it become more than a piece of grass and a stone. That one little spot becomes the only way you will ever take care of your child. Every stray weed or overgrowth of grass feels like neglect, because you never want to meet the day where you might forget them for a moment. You never want to forget.

Ok, maybe I don't even want to tell you about the past couple days. Really, at this point in time, I'd like to wiggle between my matress and box-spring, shut out the whole world, and go to sleep. Ideally, when I woke up, it would be bright and sunny outside, and my house would be sparkling clean.

Yeah, I know.  *laughs* It's so NOT happening.

I have family in from out of state, and the visit was pretty unannounced. I knew that they were coming, kind of, but there was no good forewarning until the phone rang, and they were here. That's not a bad thing really. I don't mind having company.

What I have noticed, is that I am becoming terribly obsessed with CLEAN. *chuckles* Who would have thought? Certainly not my mom, who used to take pictures of my room to show everyone she knew, to humiliate me into submission. lol Still, I'm finding myself looking longingly at my vacuum cleaner and immitation windex. I have a house full of people, and I am the only one who is the slightest bit inclined toward cleaning the house, or cooking for that matter. So, without being a meanie and stomping my foot a bit, I haven't figured out how to keep the house even reasonably clean. I keep running around, but toys, food, and dirty clothes keep magically re-appearing all over the house. My own child has been pretty good about things, since she knows that Mommy likes her to keep her toys in her room. I let her make as big of a mess in there as she wants, but she knows that she has to clean it all up again before Daddy comes home. Oooo....

Things have been non-stop around here, and I am tired. I'm chasing tylenol with soda, hoping the caffine will help with the headache. I've got to shake it off, because I need to go and bake my sister a birthday cake. :o )  I also have to fashion some hamburger patties, and see if I can get my little sister to run up to the market and get some buns. I was going to walk, but we had a weird thunderstorm run through. I think it is really something, when storms blow in so fast that it looks like God is just dumping a huge bucket of water over the house, and then it is gone. Hey, at least I don't have to water our grass seed! *laughs*

DH and I have been working in the yard a lot, and it is really looking nice. He cut some burlap up for me, and planted some grass seed on the west side of our walkway. I will just love it if we can grow some grass in there, instead of cultivating our mud hole. We are all loving our "yard time" though. DD gets to play outside more, now that I have her playhouse and picnic table all set up. We even have a section of our driveway all set up for our grill and/or fire pit. Last night I had a great time, just sitting and listening to the guys talk, while we sat around the fire. It was too cold to be out there otherwise. I don't know why, but there is something so nice about sitting out around a fire. I came in last night, smelling of wood-smoke. Of course, I would have anyway, since I used maple to cook/smoke some chicken breast for my dad and Sis. Dad just raved on and on about how good that chicken was. wow. The rest of us had steak, which I love to cook. I'm such a fire bug, that I love cooking red meat over a fire. I am oddly fascinated by the way that the fat catches in the fire, and the flames jump up to lick the meat. I'm weird, but y'all already know that. If I had a good dutch oven, I think that I'd be pretty fine, cooking out on an open fire.

While the cake is baking, I have to sit down with my shopping list again. I know what we usually use, but I am going to draw up a menu for the next two weeks anyway. I want to make sure that I have everything that I need, and also to make sure that I don't buy things that we don't need. I have come upon the worlds best diet. It's called.... no money. *laughs* It causes me to go directly to needed foods, and bypass all of the sugary junk and chips that we would normally buy also. I've had to cut back our grocery bill this pay period, because DH needs new work shoes. So, half of my grocery money is going to go toward getting his steel-toed shoes, and the rest I have to spend wisely. I think that we are going to have to cut out milk, except for cooking purposes. It is just too expensive, unless I can find a really good sale. We need to drink more water though, anyway.
Hey, Hey! I did real good last night though. DH was looking through automotive stuff, and I stuck a smile on my face and just left it there. Even though we were down to our last couple dollars, I didn't fuss at him for buying one of the most expensive fuel additives they had. I figured that he knew what he was doing. I get to find out today if the car runs better with cleaner fuel injectors. :o )  I hope that it can be something as simple as that. I'll admit that it is hard sometimes, watching the money go, and keeping my tongue from wagging. I keep repeating "just trust him" while I pay our bills and exercise the calculator. I figure that the best way to curb any wild spending is to pay our bills right away. That way, we get to see how much is really still ours, right away. I'm betting that it will work. *nods* He will see that we really don't have that much, and he'll be more careful. I know he will. He doesn't like being strapped any more than I do.

I have to say though, that I really like having this small market near me. While some things are a little more expensive than I would normally buy, I actually save money there. Because I am walking, I will only buy just what we need, and I only carry enough money in my pocket to get what I need. So, I don't impulse shop and bring home half the store. I'm not bad about that anyway, but now I am happy over every dollar or quarter that I bring home. I like going shopping, and only spending $3. lol I also love leftovers. *laughs*

Oh well, I have to go........