I blog to stay awake.

*laughs*

It has been a very good, and very tiring day. When I woke up this morning, I wanted to throw a pillow at the wall and make some unlady-like meanie faces. lol  I found myself with another backache this morning. I was fine when DH rolled out of bed this morning, but when I woke up from my 2 hour "power nap" (I don't sleep well at night), I felt like someone had kicked me real hard. Isn't there some kind of rule that says that can't happen within a certain amount of days from the last time? Ugh.

So, I was gingerly walking around today, and I had DD help me make my bed. We worked through breakfast, and while I was digging through emails and working on updating links, someone knocks on the door. Tada! It's my dad! Hey, maybe he wants to sit and sit a cup of tea, shooting the breeze. Maybe he wants to camp out on the grass and talk about how the work is going on the house. Wow, he may even want to pick us up and hang out for a while, just for the fun of it. Oh...wait....no. That's right, he's here so he can use the internet, and then leave right after he is done.

I tried to make the most of this visiting time, and I camped out on a stool, trying to at least stay in the room so we could chit-chat. I gave up when my dad decided to go through his email, and pictures of breasts started popping up. I had to make up my mind whether I was going to blow my top and get real mean, or just pretend that my dad really isn't a skeez. I opted for the latter, and I made an ungraceful exit from the room. The next time that he comes over to ignore me and use the computer, I think that it might conveniently be having problems, suffering from the blue screen of death. I'm sure you get my drift. Some would say that I need to put my foot down and be firm, and I'll get there. In the meantime, while I gather my thoughts, I also have to be pretty honest with the fact that my dad doesn't really give a poo as to what I think. He'll just blow the whole thing out of proportion and use it to spread lies amongst family and friends that I hate him and don't want to see him any more. It's easier to slander me than to own up to the fact that he's not an upstanding guy. *shrugs* Some days, I think that it is really insane to love a man so much who has no true esteem for me. It's sad.

Anywho, dad had finished with the computer, so he happened to remember all of the terribly pressing things that he had to do. Off he went, and off I went, to the kitchen. DH hadn't eaten all the pistachios that I had gotten him, so I stood at the counter, thinking and pulling apart shells while DD sat at the table. The phone rang, and there was Sis, telling me that we were going out. She's so funny. She didn't ask, but said that she'd be there in 10 minutes, she was already on her way. Gimpy me, I shuffled through the house to get my purse, and never even bothered to change in my house slippers for shoes. That requires bending over. lol

When Sis showed up, we all went to the Calder's Dairy, which isn't very far from the house. Apparently, Sis wanted to buy us some ice cream, the real good stuff. I hadn't been there before, so I was pretty interested. I picked out "Maple Nut", which sounds gross to some people, but was awesomely good ice cream. The texture was just right, the taste was smooth, and it was an enjoyeable affair. Of course, I'll probably gain 10 lbs today because I ate it. *chuckles* On the other hand, we did counter the sweets well. Sis drove us all over to a park that is on the other side of the creek, that has a pretty walking trail. It is a 2 mile circuit, but we stopped for a few minutes before embarking on the second mile, so DD could play at the park. While she was playing, a family of geese walked over from the creek. All I can think is that it was actually two mamas with their babies, because there were a LOT of babies. I had part of a sandwich, and I tore it to pieces and started feeding the birds, even though the adults kept coming closer for the food, but hissed at me. lol They didn't want me touching the babies, but they wanted my food. That's just funny. I kept talking to them in calming tones (hey, at least it works for horses lol), and they were fine. Then, we headed off for the next mile. DD and I had fun, running and trying to race Sis, who was pushing her son in the stroller. I don't think that I've run that much in years. It felt nice to run and play with DD, even though I run like an old grandma. lol My back was still real sore, but some things are more important than something so petty as back pain. lol *wink* So, I'm exhausted. It's a good thing.

So, I'm not exactly sure how to take this, but DH just called. He had talked to me earlier, to let me know that he was going to stay at work for a couple hours and just hang out with the guys. I told him that that was just fine, and asked if he would bring a pizza home with him, since we weren't up for eating at the normal dinner time anyway (the running *pants*). Well, he called back and wanted to put me on speaker-phone so the other guys at work could hear me express that I don't mind if he stays there for a couple hours. Um, that's just weird. Apparently, the guys didn't believe that DH could have a wife so unlike their own, and I actually had to talk on the phone with one of the men and assure him that there was no problem. Isn't that odd? Somehow, DH was supposed to "get in big trouble" like they do. Er........no. *wiggles eyebrows*

Ok, I'm off to read for a while. My friend, Molly, has been so great to me, and has blessed me with a whole bunch of hooby-groovy books. I think that my brain will be occupied for the next few months, at least. I used to zoom through books real fast ( 800+ pages a day), but I've moved on to slowing to enjoy them more- and actually BEING a keeper at home, instead of just hearing about those odd creatures. lol Can you tell I wasted time during the beginning of my marriage? *chuckles* Now, if only I can stay awake long enough to get a few pages read............

I would question my understanding of God, and the condition of my heart if having faith didn't hurt a bit, throughout the walk. Of course, that very idea is just outrageous to some, who believe that following God is all about feeling good and embracing warm, fuzzy feelings. However, for me, my walk with the Lord isn't confined to that which FEELS good all the time, but that which IS good all the time. Seeking God is a wonderful experience, one I hope to enjoy for all of my days. I will admit though, that as I am stretched by the Lord, there is some pain involved.

Having God's truth isn't always what I would call a 'pleasant' experience, at least my flesh doesn't think so. My spirit may rejoice and smile inwardly, but my flesh groans and protests. Each step closer to walking within God's will is a triumph of the spirit, but the body cramps and seizes, not wanting to adjust to something so very different from what it desires. Small trials begin to look like warm-up sessions, and the body slowly begins to give into the demands of the spirit, not putting up nearly so much of a fight. However, unexpected detours, confused traveling partners, and the occassional mountain are enough to have both body and soul stumbling along the craggy path, doing just what I am supposed to do. Yes, in grabbing hold of the outstretched hand in front of me, I am doing what is right. He picks me up from my knees, nourishes me, and He carries me through parts of the trek that I never could face on my own. It isn't always a cake walk though, and sometimes He sets me down before obstacles, and stands back to watch and simply encourages me. I know that He is there, and He knows that I can do what is right, so long as I keep my eyes trained on him, and not on what looks to overwhelm me. Each step is a struggle, and it hurts. My body revolts at moving in this direction, when other paths are so much easier, even pleasurable. Still, He looks on me with anticipation and love. As I begin to cry, I make a final push toward Him, and though I fall short, He wraps His arms around me and pulls me through the rest, and comforts me in His embrace. I have gone as far as I can on my own will, and no matter how I push to be successful, the story is always the same. To one extent or another, I fail. Still, each time, He looks on me with such love, that I feel like I have won something so grand. So long as I reach out for Him, He never leaves me to perish, even when caught in traps and underbrush that overcomes me. At times, He leaves me to struggle, knowing that it strengthens my muscles, and it burns my resolve to a red-hot flame. I think on the times when I have gone so far, and though it hurts in places that are so soft, He leaves me to it. I push myself to my ends, and His cries of encouragement strengthen me. This time, while grasping His hand, I manage to keep to my feet, as He leads me to gentler paths and a refreshing spring, to soothe my spirit.

It doesn't always feel "good" to do what is right. There are many times when I have read the love letter that my Lord has sent me, and my heart aches. I am convicted in the depths of my spirit, and it pains me. Working toward purging myself of sin is an ongoing battle, one I will never truly find completion in until I am called home. If things were different, and I didn't feel these pangs that lead me lean on God and seek to become more Christ-like, then I would know that something was terribly wrong. When there is no discomfort, when sin does not bother me, then my soul is in danger. When I think that I am "finished", I have only just begun to unravel the other manifestations of sin in my life. As I endeavor to be more like my heavenly Bridegroom, I see the filth in me. Each day that I work to wash it from me, I uncover deeper layers of disease that I did not know existed. This knowledge of sin is not a damnation, even though it causes me great pain. Instead, it leads me to do what is right and good, in calling out to the Lord, and trusting that He can (and has) cleansed me by His own blood.

The truth has great power to hurt, and I don't think that we should turn away from it, just because it doesn't initially feel pleasant. It is easy to point fingers at brothers and sisters, pouting and crying because they know that we aren't perfect. When someone speaks the truth in love, it may well hurt a bit. I know that I have been stung multiple times by my "family", no matter how gentle they have tried to be. Loving someone enough to be truthful is neccessary, and no one is served if a message is so sugar-coated that the truth is lost under the sickly-sweet layer. As with all things, take them before the Lord, weigh them against His word. See where the truth lies, and listen for the leading of God's Holy Spirit. Do not be quick to dismiss lessons, because they aren't as warm and fuzzy as you expect God to be. We are not living in a children's bible story book, which only shows a portion of God's character. Revel in the completed illustration, and know that a God who is so powerful, awe-inspiring, and deadly has chosen to love you enough to die for you. He who could rake mountains into the sea on a whim, or toss the earth into the sun, He has chosen to love such a weak and beautiful creature. Have a fear of God, and know that what you give up in this life, the pains that you embrace in order to crucify the flesh, for these- there is reward. Aside from blessings that we cannot even begin to fathom, there is a love for us that is beyond compare.

 

I don't have much time, but I wanted to share a couple pictures with you, for the fun of it.

I took this picture yesterday, as DD was playing "mommy" to her kitty. Apparently, he was sick and needed to rest. So, DD decided that he needed to be put to bed, at which time she nestled him into a blanket and put a pillow under his head. Funny enough, the cat just laid there and didn't even care. He is a very forgiving cat. lol










For my next picture, I have DD, while she is helping me to prepare dinner. She had already been completely tickled pink because I had brought out an apron for her to wear, and we had made homemade biscuits together. Then, as I prepared the rest of our meal, I let her put our veggies into pans.

As our dinner bubbled away on the stove, my industrious little girl was busy setting the table for us. I'd say that she was on a roll today, as she worked very hard with mommy, to make our house nice, neat, and pretty. DD managed to clean her room, feed the cats, wash the table, put away our clean silverwear, and scrub the bathroom floor with me, all before making her first "from scratch" biscuits. Isn't she great?! :o ) Now, all I have to do is figure out what I am doing wrong with my sewing machine, so I can make her a bib apron in her own size. As it is, she wears a half apron, wrapped up under her arms. *grins*