Reflections on...

Created To Be His Help Meet
by Debi Pearl

Chapter 17
To Love Their Children
Titus 2:4-5: "That they may teach the young women to be sober,
to love their husbands,
to love their children..."

 

During the first portion of this chapter, Debi makes the case that overwhelmingly, there is one thing that children believe would make them happy. As a child who grew up in a rather turbulent home, I can identify with so many of these children that Debi refers to.

Out of about 75 responses, only two or three kids considered their home happy. Nearly all 75 answers of the second question were basically the same. Ten-year-olds (who could barely spell) to single college-age adults had teh same hopes and anguishes. They all said something to the effect of,"I wish Mama and Daddy would love each other."

Yes, yes, yes! I'll tell you that children don't stop wishing for peace and happiness between their parents when they reach adulthood. Watching the two people, that you have loved dearly all your life, fight and tear at each other each day, it is difficult. For all of the things that were painful for me, this was the greatest of them all. Children can be so cruel to each other, and I was a very easy target, with such a soft heart. It didn't help that I had very curly hair, which was far from fashionable, nor was it acceptable that I was poor. Every day, I would struggle to get through another day or torture at school, only to come home to more bickering and nasty attitudes. It became so difficult between my parents that they actually punished us for traits in us that resembled those of the other parent. I can't tell you how many times I was raged at for being too much "like my father", or how many times I was shunned and looked down upon for being at all "like my mother". To an extent, it still happens even now.

I cannot stress enough, how important it is for a husband and wife to love each other. I don't believe that many people understand the effect that they have on their children when they keep a home of chaos, anger, bitterness, or even hate. I grew up seeing nothing but faults in my person, because they were drilled into me, how unacceptable I was for being similar in trait to those I loved the best. As a teenager, I looked desperately for someone to love me as I was, having no faith that anyone could, because my own parents would not accept me. As a young woman, I was so terribly afraid of committment that I never planned to marry, and when I found myself in a white dress, I fought not to become physically sick. My parents had allowed their petty bickering to become such a permanent house-guest that all three of their children were unprepared for marriage, not knowing how to have a healthy relationship with a man.

Now, I don't say these things as a way to "trash" my parents. I love them both dearly. I have the most tender place in my heart for my mother, and I love my dad through the most.... interesting of circumstances. My point is that, marriage is a wonderful thing, and comes with great responsibilities. I completely agree with Debi that "blaspheming the word of God" is a very serious issue, and in doing so through refusing our commands from God, we harm ourselves and those who look to us for guidance. I lived in a home that professed God, but did not live the faith. Because of that, when I grew old enough that I believed myself mature in making decisions, I rejected Christianity. Only by the grace of God, did I come home to the Lord. I was walking a road straight into hell. I let men use my body because I was so desperate for someone to love me. I looked like a harlot, because I thought there was nothing within me that anyone could be attracted to, only the shape of my body. I believed that I could never be a mother or a wife, because the only model that I knew well was one of chaos, bitterness, and violence. No man would want this worthless person for a wife, and I believed that I would surely ruin any child that I touched.

All I had ever wanted, as a child, was for my parents to love each other. There were times when my parents were happy, and their happiness radiated over us. Life was so much nicer, and it was like coming in from a blizzard, to warm ourselves before a cheerful fire. We knew what we were missing out on, so there was no replacement that ever looked as good. We would not have been happier with divorced parents, because what we really wanted was the family that God gave us, complete and comfortable.

Next, Debi shares a letter from a ladywho believes she needs a woman to help her clean her home, even though her children are in school. This "need" comes about because the woman feels that she needs 4 hour blocks of meditation and self-actualization each day. Instead of caring for her family and drawing intimately close to her husband, she looks for another woman to have this intimate feelings with.

"You are part of a trend sweeping through church women's circles- a persuit of intimacy and deep feelings apart from your husband. This inner-self-stimualation is what my husband calls "spiritual masturbation". It has nothing to do with the God of the Bible. It is spirituality more akin to Eastern mystic meditation. You your spirituality competes with your service to others (especially your husband and family), it is just that- "your spirituality". Jesus said to Peter, "Do you love me"...then "feed my sheep." God does not call women to be mountain-top gurus or to seek one out for their personal benefit." (CTBHHM pg. 181)

It took me a little while to understand that worshipping God is something that happens with each breath, each task, each word. When I was more of a "baby Christian", after I came back to the Lord, I felt that it was neccessary for me to be in church and fellowship a great deal in order to "feel" God. There was a part of me that was dependent on the emotional, to the exclusion of ACTION. It took time for me to come to the realization that each time I do what God wants of me, I am honoring and worshipping Him as the author and editor of my life. I am not speaking ill against church meetings, prayer meetings, revivals, outreaches, etc. My observation just brought it home to me that when I honor my husband, cook dinner for my family, or teach my child- I AM worshipping God. Not only that, but I am doing so in ways that I know God approves of, because He called me to it, very plainly within His word.

 

During the section called "Raising Cows or Kids", Debi addresses something that is very important. First, that a mother is the best person to raise her children, not a sitter, teacher, friend, or even grandma. God made this responsibility a mother's duty. Going on from here, Debi shares common sense ways in which a mother may train up her child, completing the section with a special point.

"Some mothers treat their children as I treat my cows. I make sure they have good things to eat, clean water, and a place to exercise. If they show any signs of sickness, I attend to them immediately. This is good for cows, but if you raise kids like that, you're going to have a brood of little dummies. Unlike your care of the cows, the training of your children is the deepest expression of your love for them."

The rest of the chapter revolves around this basic statement, that children need MORE. From here, Debi stresses the need to make a point to teach their children, to bless them with education, and not leave them as "dumb children." Also, there is a warning for mothers to be diligent in the care of their children, not only in their education, but just by being observant. To this end, she shares statistics of children who have been improperly touched and harmed at tender ages. Again and again, she makes it strikingly clear that women need to take their responsibilities seriously.

 

Chapter 18, coming soon.......

I know, I know. My blog has got to be real boring to people these days, as I haven't had any real time to sit down and write anything of substance. On the positive side though, I've been getting a lot of work done.

As many of you know, we are having a housewarming party over at Choosing Home, on June 1st. We have received many wonderful articles, that I am sure will be an encouragement and blessing to ootles of ladies. :o )  Psssttt..... I have a little secret for you. If you were wanting to submit something for the party, and weren't able to get it in yesterday, I will take entries today and tomorrow. For submission guidelines, please go ------> Here.

I keep looking out the window, pondering the task of cutting the grass. We've had so much rain lately that our weeds are outrageous. SOMEONE needs to cut it, at least. lol I'm not sure why, but I feel terribly unenthused about rolling up my sleeves and working hard today. I just feel, weary. I filled up a large cup of water, and I've been drinking steadily since I got up this morning, hoping that it might help to energize me a bit. I think that I'm going to have to make this a willpower thing, and just push my foolish body into doing what I want it to do.

Yesterday, DD and I made a double batch of biscuits. I chose a different recipe out of my book, and I like this one much better. The flavor is fuller, which we all enjoy. Since we had so many, I took a pretty bowl and filled it with biscuits, and we went over to see DH's great uncle, who lives a couple houses away from us. I thought that biscuits would be nice, because I've cookied him out. lol Between DH's uncle and our next door neighbors, I'm going to fatten up the neighborhood. *laughs*

I've been reading more in my book, "Making Your Home a Haven: Strategies for the Domestically Challenged" by Cyndy Salzmann. I really do like this book. Now, I'm not a particularly messy person. I find that as I get older, I get pickier about my home, and how things look. So, I wouldn't have thought at first that I would enjoy a book like this so much. However, this has been a real treat. I love little tips for organization, because I am just one of those people who love to have order, even if it means putting labels on everything. I think that, in terms of home care, there is nothing more pleasant than waking up in the morning to a clean space. I was awful as a child, until I eventually learned how pleasant it was to have a clean room. One of the things that I really enjoy about this book is that, it isn't about money. The ideas that Cyndy presents aren't about buying costly supplies, or anything like that. She also doesn't try to motivate people into whirlwinds of activity, which is good. I'm not much of a whirlwind person. I make a bigger mess than I solve. But, I have been able to tackle my kitchen cabinets, and I'm so much happier for it. I look forward to working in my bedroom now, since my room is awful tricky. To accomplish much in there, I have to teach myself how to hang bifold doors, so I can take our closet doors out of my bedroom. I also need to figure out how to put up the rest of our mini blinds. I'm sure that none of that stuff is hard. I just have to take a good look at them.

"What happens?" ....you ask?   LIFE, it happens. lol

For anyone looking for my weekly post on "Created To Be His Help Meet", it just isn't here yet. My dad came over this morning, and he spent the whole day on my computer. So, I kept busy with other things and let him do his thing. I should have my post up tomorrow though, as I don't anticipate any difficutlies in getting online.

Keeping busy wasn't hard today. I took some advice from the lastest book that I am reading, "Making Your Home a Haven: Strategies For The Domestically Challenged", and I took another look at my kitchen cabinets. As Cyndy suggests, my kitchen would work so much easier if things were organized by how I use my kitchen, and not restricted to the way I filled up the shelves when we moved in. I definitely understand her points, and it was good to finally know how I use my kitchen, having had plenty of time to see how I would be best served by my space. Add to that the fact that I bought two drawer organizing trays at the dollar store the other day, and I was set to go.

First, I went through my utensil drawer, and I inserted my baskets, placing my needed things inside of them. Since my stuff wasn't sliding around, I could fit my foil, wax paper, plastic wrap, and baggies in the drawer again. Yay! I should mention that I only have 3 drawers, and one is VERY skinny. So, maximizing my drawer space is imperative. Next, I re-organized my cupboard where I keep my glasses. To say that I store my glasses there is... not completely true. I also store medicines, plastic cups, funnels, measuring cups, a hand mixer, waffle maker, and DD's school supplies in there. lol Today, I rearranged everything, changed the levels of the shelves, and put everything back in an amazing order. I boxed up my little griller and my electric can opener, and they are going down to the basement with my extra utensils. I also took a shoe box and put all of our medicines in the box, so I don't have to break my neck trying to fish individual bottles off the top shelf.

After all of that was done, I was able to sit down with my packaged that arrived today from Timberdoodle. DD's workbooks from Rod & Staff came in today, and I just love what I see in them. There isn't anything too fancy about the booklets, but the learning pages are just what DD will love. I had to laugh when I saw a page where you have to number each stage of a situation. There was a picture of a baby chick coming out of an egg, and adult chicken, and then a chicken prepared on a roasting platter. I just cracked up with laughter. DH was slightly agast, thinking that we'd never get DD to eat meat again, until I enlightened him that I already told her where meat comes from. My sister won't prepare a whole chicken because she gets grossed out by knowing that it was a live animal at one time. I think that is so completely silly (might I say "dumb"?) that I refuse to raise a daughter who can't make a simple meal because she'll only touch meat that no longer looks like an animal. It's foolishness.

DD and I took some time to use her alphabet flashcards today. She has the uppercase letters down very well. Today, we worked on her lowercase letters, most of which she could identify. Afterward, we made our way to the kitchen table, and she practiced writing the letters "E,F,G,H,I,J & K". She is doing very well, though she keeps trying to write her "J" backwards. Oops. lol She'll get the hang of it. Since she is doing so wonderfully with her letters, I am going to teach her how to write out the rest of her first name, and not just the shortened version that we normally call her. She loves her name, but it is long, which makes it hard to remember all of those letters.

While DD was working on her pennmanship, I sat down to write to my mom. I picked up a pretty card from the dollar store, and I decided to write a bit of a letter in it. I also wrote to my grandma in Florida. I miss having other women around. I do have my sister, but we are not like-minded in many things. From time to time, I really just long after being able to have a really open conversation with someone who really understands where I am coming from, and isn't always critical of my decisions because my love of God is so unpopular.

I admit to having poor eating habits today, though not in the way that some might expect. I don't think that I ate anything today, until 3pm. Then I had a modestly sized tomato. Yes, I ate it like an apple. lol For dinner, I ate conservatively, and I am well under my calorie requirements for the day. I don't really care though. I haven't been feeling like eating lately. Every time I eat in the evening, my stomach gets upset. I don't think that I have an ulcer or anything, but the thought has occured to me. Or, maybe it is just the Lord being kind to me and answering my prayers to take the strongest tempation of food from me. lol I don't know. I just feel better.

After dinner this evening, I spent some time scrubbing the kitchen, and I bleached my sink. Having had time for dinner to digest, I pulled out my rowing machine and exercised for a short time. My knees have really been bothering me lately, but a little exercise feels good. Hopefully this will help my back from hurting so much when I wake up in the morning. Besides, I'd really like for my clothes to fit better (aka- looser). :o )

Oy. Ok, I know that I've rambled myself silly. I just don't have anything pressing to say today. I'll do that stuff tomorrow. So, I'm off to stick DD in bed, and then watch "House" tonight. I sure hope that all of you lovely ladies (and you guys, too) have a wonderful evening. God bless you and yours.

Oh, just a final thought that I'll leave you with. I talked with my dad today, and he actually carried on a biblical conversation with me, and then said that I was right! Wow. Then, he stayed for dinner, and he said the evening prayer with us. Wow.

*tired laugh* It's already tomorrow, and I should be in bed. In a few minutes, I'll take a book and make my way in there. I won't be sleeping though. DH is up, thinking that he is going to watch the episodes of "24" that I taped for him while he was working on the car. So, since I have time to kill while he is being a goober, I might as well use it here. :o )

My house is a wreck. We are in this cycle, where nothing gets done on the weekend, and I spend the rest of the week making the place "right" again. Of course, it only takes me the first couple days to get things all in order, but those next days are so precious because I know that the place will be wreaked again on Saturday. It begins on Friday night, after all is cleaned and sparkling, DH comes home and the whirlwind hits the house. *chuckles* You would think so. By the time I get up on Saturday, there are cups, empty pop cans, books, errant clothing, toys, pillows, etc. all over the floor. If it isn't plates that are in the wrong place, it is a pizza box or something else that is slightly gross and needing to grow legs to walk out to the trash. It makes me feel like a poor "keeper", but I've learned that if I don't go with the flow and just chill out, I'll go insane. So, I let them wreak the house for 2 days, and I get five days of peace. At least I stay busy for a couple days, and on the other days I can adopt projects to do, because the majority of the work is done.

Well, obviously today was Monday. This is HEAVY work day, but it didn't work out like that. While I was at my dad's birthday party, my aunt and uncle asked if DD and I would go to a birthday party for her cousin, who just turned 2. I couldn't very well so 'no', not after DD heard the dreaded words "Chuck E. Cheese". She flipped off the ceiling of the outdoor tent, and wouldn't hush up until we were leaving the funhouse. Oy. lol