It was painful to look on my baby for the first time, but I loved her so much. My heart just ached for this tiny little girl who weighed 3 lbs. 1/2oz when she was born. What a skinny little baby! Awww....but so precious to me. DD's first days were pretty difficult, and I'm glad that she doesn't remember it. Even though I knew that the nurses were doing all that they could to take care of her, it was still hard to watch them move her IV, to hear her tiny little cries. But if she had breath and will to cry, I was happy.
One day, when DH and I arrived to spend time with our little girl, one of her doctors came to see us. Armed with films and a less than happy face, he proceeded to tell us that some of the smaller vessels in her brain had burst, and she had a hemorage blocking fluid in her brain. For now, all we could do was wait and see if it would resolve itself, or if she would need to have a stint inserted to relieve the fluid buildup. We were already worried that maybe she would have health problems because of the circumstances of her birth, and now we had more to worry about.
Thankfully, it didn't take too long before I was able to be included in some of DD's care. At first, all I could do was sit by her incubator and watch her, sometimes pressing my finger into her hand. The nurses were quick to tell us how to touch her, since rubbing would be too much stimulation, and would make DD uncomfortable. Every time that I could touch her, I was happy. Slowly, we were able to wrap her up in numerous blankets, so I could hold her for 20 minutes while her milk traveled through her NG tub, to feed her. Sometimes I was given a binkie, to try and stimulate her suckling reflexes. Oh, it was a good time, holding this little baby. The only time that I ever felt truly afraid was when her monitors would peal, and she would begin to turn blue. The first time that that happened, I sat there with a dumb look on my face, not knowing what to do. Thankfully, a nurse hurried over and helped me, showing me how to stimulate her to breathe again. At first, this would happen about every 20 minutes. Scary stuff.
After a couple weeks, I had the fun of trying to change DD's diaper for the first time. Oh, all of you other mothers would have laughed yourselves silly, watching me try to change a baby inside an incubator. I know that the nurses sure had a laugh. You see, no one told me that the change in the air might stimulate the little one to poo. No one told me that I should keep a clean diaper right under the dirty one, so accidents will always be caught. Oops. *laughs* I went through 5 diapers, and yet still managed to mess up her blankets. lol It was awful, and absolutely hilarious.
Not long after my diaper incident, DD was finally able to maintain her body temperature, and her breathing issues were mostly resolved. I was so happy to hear that they were going to move her to a regular crib, and I could hold her and rock her as much as I wanted. Now DD would be able to take milk orally, so I could hold her and feed my little one. Wow. I even learned that I wouldn't break her while burping her. lol Hey, wouldn't anyone be a little nervous? She only weighed about 4 lbs.
After a couple weeks, I had the fun of trying to change DD's diaper for the first time. Oh, all of you other mothers would have laughed yourselves silly, watching me try to change a baby inside an incubator. I know that the nurses sure had a laugh. You see, no one told me that the change in the air might stimulate the little one to poo. No one told me that I should keep a clean diaper right under the dirty one, so accidents will always be caught. Oops. *laughs* I went through 5 diapers, and yet still managed to mess up her blankets. lol It was awful, and absolutely hilarious.
Not long after my diaper incident, DD was finally able to maintain her body temperature, and her breathing issues were mostly resolved. I was so happy to hear that they were going to move her to a regular crib, and I could hold her and rock her as much as I wanted. Now DD would be able to take milk orally, so I could hold her and feed my little one. Wow. I even learned that I wouldn't break her while burping her. lol Hey, wouldn't anyone be a little nervous? She only weighed about 4 lbs. During this time, we learned how to be happy for all of the really small things. After all, our biggest blessing was pretty tiny. We prayed constantly for her help, hoping for a miracle. I feel that we got one when DD's doctor came back to us with the newest set of tests, telling us that her hemorage was resolving itself and that there didn't seem to be any brain damage. As best they could tell, she was healthy, and making wonderous and rapid improvements. One month and one day after she was born, I was able to bring DD home, weighing in just slightly under 5 lbs. For another month, she was on a heart monitor at home, to alert us to when she stopped breathing and her heart rate dropped. Thankfully, as she grew, she outgrew her condition. There were no more mad rushes to her bedroom in the middle of the night. I could turn down the baby monitor just a tad, and untie it from the headboard, right next to my head. DD was tiny, healthy, happy, and an awesome blessing.
